'I Don't Know How To Take Care Of Myself' — Stay-At-Home Mom With No Money Of Her Own Shares Reality Of Divorce
PeopleImages | Shutterstock A stay-at-home mom admitted that she doesn't know how to take care of herself as she's currently experiencing the biggest upheaval of her life: divorce. In a TikTok video, the content creator and mom named Cortney explained that she's being forthcoming about her reality right now because it's unfortunately something many other stay-at-home moms are either going through or have been through before.
From financial fears to simply starting over from scratch, Cortney candidly admitted that she's been a stay-at-home mom for so long that she doesn't even know how to pick up the pieces. It's tough, and many moms feel that they need to suffer in silence because they don't think anyone else will be able to relate. In Cortney's video, she insisted that any mom going through the same things she is should know they're not alone in their suffering.
A stay-at-home mom with no money of her own shares the reality of divorce.
"So y'all wanna know the scariest thing, and it's happening to me now, is being a [married female]," Cortney began in her video. "I'm 37, I have two kids, they are 5 and 7, and I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past 10 years."
Cortney explained that she has zero income because her only job is staying at home with her kids. She would use her husband's credit card to purchase things that she and the kids needed. However, two weeks ago, her husband suddenly told her that he wanted to move forward with a divorce. That American Express credit card she has been using for everything that has her name on it? She can't use it anymore because her husband pays the bill.
"He told me he's going to cut it off, and I gotta move all the automatic payments and stop using it," Cortney continued. "And he said, 'You need to start using your own card now.' What card? I don't have a card. That is my card."
The mom insisted that it's a 'terrifying' reality to be living in right now.
"I feel like a little girl who needs their mommy because I don't know how to take care of myself," Cortney said. "I don't like what I do. It's just terrifying."
Unfortunately, Cortney is not alone in this reality. Being a stay-at-home mom sometimes means not having any other financial means to fall back on, and that lack of independence can be quite scary if the relationship or marriage ends.
Stay-at-home moms have their entire identities framed around raising their kids and keeping the household running. Because of that, moms are often encouraged to find hobbies and interests outside of their kids, and, if they can, even a part-time job or side hustle to earn a bit of cash, just in case they may need it one day.
But what's even worse, especially in Cortney's case, is that her husband, soon-to-be-ex-husband, doesn't seem too concerned with at least continuing to help her until she is able to stand on her own two feet without his financial help.
Women should strive to prioritize having their own finances, even if they choose to be homemakers.
Divorce attorney Nicole Sodoma, Managing Principal of Sodoma Law, explained to The Every Mom that, regardless of whether you're earning your own income, every woman should have at least a checking account separate from marital funds. This ensures that you have a credit footprint, which is essential should the relationship fall apart and you need to buy a car or even get a new phone.
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She also stressed that before getting married and even when things are going well, women should know everything about their estate. She noted, “Having some sort of understanding is so much better than having your head in the sand.” Sodoma detailed that you should know all the assets you and your spouse have together, including property, income, investments, savings, and even retirement funds.
Abruptly cutting off the mother of your kids is just plain cold, but when it comes to a relationship ending, it's definitely not unheard of. There's no way anyone can become magically financially independent overnight after spending decades without a paying job. That's why Sodoma's advice is essential.
Despite how heartbreaking Cortney's story is, it's still important that she's sharing it. Stay-at-home moms in this same predicament should know that they're not alone, their fear is 100% valid, but the fear and unknown do not need to dictate this next chapter of their lives.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
