10 Sneaky Signs Jealousy Is Destroying Your Relationship

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couple facing away from one another in bed

Everybody knows about jealousy, right? Maybe you've read the claim that a "little" jealousy is good for you, or that when your partner is jealous, it means that he or she really cares.

If you struggle with jealousy, you probably know how painful and destructive it can be.

The effects of jealousy can cause a relationship breakdown. 

Not only is jealousy not good for your relationship, but it's also not good for you either.

Even though you get that jealousy isn't a beneficial habit, it's one that remains tough to break. You've possibly tried to change your ways and stop being jealous. You've probably tried really hard to erase the jealous thoughts that pop into your mind and then build up and cause you to say or do things you later regret.

But you still get triggered easily. You still interrogate your partner, compare yourself to others, and worry that you'll be betrayed and left.

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Sometimes when you're caught in a battle between you and a nasty habit like jealousy, it helps to look at the specifics.

Look at the very specific ways that your jealousy habit is keeping you down and holding you back from the kind of close, connected, trusting, and happy relationship and life you really want.

Here are 10 sneaky signs jealousy is destroying your relationship:

1. Jealousy endangers your physical health

It's stressful to be jealous, and prolonged stress means a higher likelihood that you may develop health problems like high blood pressure, headaches, back pain, stomach aches, ulcers, and maybe even heart attack or stroke!

2. Jealousy weakens your mental health

There are certain types of mental disorders that develop from very severe jealousy. But even more common forms of jealousy can be harmful to your mental and emotional health.

Depression, difficulty concentrating, mood swings, anxiety, and insomnia are just a few examples.

3. Jealousy damages the trust your partner feels toward you

Jealousy causes you to mistrust your partner, and he/she may begin to mistrust you too. Your partner isn't sure what will set you off and what won't. He/she will be more cautious and reserved around you because you might say you're "okay" one minute and then get angry because of jealousy the next.

This makes it tough for your partner to trust that you'll be honest and that you'll really listen and not jump to conclusions.

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4. Jealousy damages the trust you feel in yourself

There's no doubt that jealousy ravages trust in yourself. You question your judgment and your ability to know what's really going on because of the mind tricks that jealousy plays.

5. Jealousy makes you misperceive common situations

Whether it's a conversation you have with your partner or something you see with your own eyes, it's interpreted through a strong filter of jealousy that is often skewed or flat-out wrong.

6. Jealousy causes you to miss out on being present in your relationship

Jealousy sucks you back into the past — the painful past of betrayals and disappointments. You can't appreciate improvements to your relationship or changes your partner is making because all you can see is the past.

7. Jealousy restarts arguments

It's nearly impossible to let go of a disagreement or argument because your jealous mind will return to what you think happened — or what you think your partner "really" meant — and restart the upset all over again. 

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8. Jealousy brings up more intense insecurity

You know those comparisons you make where everyone else is so much more (fill in the blank) than you are? They'll only get bigger and more intense and cause you to be more and more insecure about yourself. 

9. Jealousy makes it difficult to talk about even everyday topics

Communication really suffers when you have a jealousy habit. "No big deal" topics of conversation turn into tense and hostile arguments because you can't really hear what your partner is saying.

10. Jealousy causes your partner to question staying in the relationship

At some point, your partner is going to wonder if this is worth the drama and pain and whether or not he/she should stay in the relationship or leave it. Though your partner may love you deeply, the unfair accusations, mistrust, and interrogations can become too much.

It's clearer, isn't it?

Your jealousy is not allowing you to live the kind of life and create the kind of relationship you've always wanted. It might even be endangering your relationship and your well-being. You deserve to have what you want, and you actually can have what you want.

It's time to see jealousy for what it is — destructive and standing in your way — and to do something about it.

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Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in their clients' lives and relationships.