If A Relationship Is Missing These 3 Things, It Probably Won’t Make It Past The Talking Stage
Brian Lundquist | Unsplash By Mia Perlman
Relationships often go undefined at first as you get to know each other better. Before you spend too long in a confusing limbo, there are some early signs your relationship won't make it past the talking stage.
One of the most difficult stages of dating is when two people act like they are together, but don’t label themselves as a couple. They are unofficially together in a grey area of their relationship. Sounds weird, right? Unfortunately, this is often unavoidable, but it can make a relationship a lot harder to maintain.
If a relationship is missing these three things, it probably won't make it past the talking stage:
1. Honesty
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A study explored how couples usually idealize honesty, yet often don't communicate, and the interpretation of rules in the relationship. Even if you aren’t “official,” honesty is still super important. Honesty is a sign of respect, and any lack of it, even in the talking stage, is a red flag.
If someone you’re investing time in lies to you, not only is that disrespectful, but it also causes you to rethink the relationship. Also, someone’s level of honesty during the talking stage shows you how honest they will be throughout your relationship.
2. Mutual effort
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If you find you’re the one who's always texting first and always initiating plans, this is a sign that the other person might not be as invested in the relationship. As Dating Coach Chelli Pumphrey explained, "Emotionally unavailable people are skilled at giving you just enough to keep you interested and holding on for more, but never quite enough to satisfy your need for connection.
If you aren’t sure how invested they are, try spending more time together. Getting to know somebody before you commit yourself to them is an important way to help you make sure you are making the right decision to move further in the relationship. "If you feel confused by a partner in this way," Pumphrey wrote, ask yourself if you feel anxious and hungry for connection more than you feel connected and secure with this person.""
3. Communication
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If the person you are talking to does things that make you uncomfortable, you need to tell them. If they stop doing those things, then it’s easy for you both to continue dating. If they don’t, then take it as a sign they aren’t listening to you. And, if they hold back how they feel or refuse to open up to you about their feelings, then the feelings you think you have for each other might not be mutual.
"Things like not being listened to, passive-aggressiveness, or a lot of conflicts create situations where you feel unappreciated," advised relationship therapist Leigh Norén. "If you constantly need to defend yourself or feel like your partner has checked out, this can cause low-grade stress and anxiety."
If you’re talking to someone and they don’t open up to you right away, that’s OK. But if you have been talking for a long time and have a relationship where both of you feel safe, there should be some communication. Again, if they are holding back or intentionally keeping things from you, you might be wasting your time in the “talking stage.”
The “talking stage” is complicated, and there is no written set of rules. However, remember to keep these three signs in mind when investing your energy in someone and trying to start a relationship with them. They could save you from potential heartbreak!
Mia Perlman is a writer who focuses on relationships, love, and dating. She is a content writer at Spine Media and a journalism and sport management graduate of Temple University.
