16 Ominous Traits Of A Man Who's Not A Good Person
These signs are bright red flags.
Katerina Holmes | Canva Picture this: You're out for cocktails after breaking up with a class-A jerk. More than Mr. Wrong, the guy was a true narcissist (the actual diagnosed kind) and you're still trying to figure out how you got into the relationship in the first place.
Just as you're taking a sip of your Margarita, your mostly empathetic bestie hits you with the line no one wants to hear: “There were signs when you were dating.” Is it annoying? Absolutely. Is it also true? Yes.
But before you start spiraling, consider this: According to a study by Liason, 85% of people admit they’ve ignored early red flags in relationships because they hoped things would improve over time (Spoiler: They didn't.) So, in honor of protecting your time, sanity — and safety — we're laying out 16 early warning signs. Consider this your non-negotiable tear sheet for Tinder.
Here are 16 ominous traits of a man who's not a good person:
1. He drops love bombs
When your 'dream guy' comes on too fast and too strong, it’s often about control, not love. While it might feel amazing when he starts showering you with affection and attention from day one, love bombing is a classic move made by narcissists and other abusers as an attempt to control and manipulate you.
And make no mistake, the sweet nothings often fade just as soon as you get hooked, leaving you feeling confused and scrambling to win them back over, which is all a part of the plan. Bottom line: If someone’s coming on too strong, it's likely a tactic to win you over quickly — and not for the right reasons.
2. He shares micro-criticisms
We all know that someone telling us to change our clothes, career, and parts of our personality at the beginning of a relationship is a major red flag which is why manipulators like to start small.
Many times, the statements come by way of jokes or tiny little 'suggestions' that seem to come from a place of love. No one is perfect and it's great to be with someone who challenges you to be your best self, but that version of you is authentic and feels safe to be who she is without fear of rejection or retaliation.
3. He says he's a confirmed bachelor — but you could be 'the one'
A man enjoying a single life doesn’t make him a bad person, but the issue arises when he lures you into the "you can change me" trap. He might drop lines like, “I just haven’t met the right person yet” giving you hope that you could be the exception.
This kind of guy will show just enough interest to keep you invested while always maintaining his distance. When he senses you slipping away, he'll come on strong again, leaving you stuck in a cycle of uncertainty.
This manipulation feeds on your desire for a real connection, making you believe that with enough patience and 'understanding', he'll realize how great you are and commit. But in reality, he's just wasting your time, enjoying the benefits of your affection without any intention of giving you what you deserve.
4. He makes gross remarks about women
Does he write off all women as "too emotional", mock female drivers, or make misogynistic "jokes?" There could be deeper, underlying issues at play. According to experts, misogyny is linked to low self-esteem and poor mental health in men.
It can also be a red flag for abusive behavior. Men who consistently demean women or make hostile remarks might be signaling a belief in male entitlement — a mindset that can foster controlling or violent actions toward partners. Research shows that misogyny often fuels behaviors of control and domination, which are central elements in many forms of abuse. If he disrespects women in general, he won't respect you.
5. He's unreliable
Canceling plans on occasion doesn't make someone a terrible person, but if he constantly blows you off, breaks promises, or loves to ghost you every time he gets distracted by a new Tinder match, he's not a good guy. According to research by John Bowlby and later studies by Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver, we are hardwired to seek out partners who provide stability and security, which makes it even more hurtful when someone repeatedly sends us a message that we don't matter.
This behavior is particularly damaging because it keeps the other party in a state of uncertainty, which can trigger feelings of rejection, abandonment, and emotional distress. You deserve a partner who makes you feel secure and valued, not one who keeps you guessing or questioning your worth. Love shouldn't leave you in limbo, and the right person will never make you feel like a second option.
6. He's got a God complex
Confidence is attractive, but if he is always making it seem like everything would crumble without him, he may have an inflated sense of self-importance where he sees the world revolving around him and his needs. I
n this dynamic — which is common with narcissists — he positions himself center and reduces you to just another audience member. Worse, this behavior often comes with a disturbing lack of empathy. His achievements, status, and ego will always take priority over your emotions and the relationship itself.
Over time, your thoughts, feelings, achievements, and contributions will be ignored, leaving you feeling invalidated and devalued. At the end of the day, if he can’t share the spotlight, how can you build something meaningful together?
7. He's a drama king
It's always something with this guy. From blowing up over a minor inconvenience to having a meltdown because his order was wrong, this man thrives on drama. If you think the honeymoon phase is intense, wait until the fights start. It’s exhausting — and not worth the emotional rollercoaster.
8. He pushes your boundaries
You mention you have a fear of heights and he pushes you to go skydiving. You're not comfortable with sending nudes and he's suddenly on a mission to get one for his 'personal collection.' His disregard for your boundaries is not about getting you to "try new things" or "get over" your fears — it’s about control.
If he’s willing to ignore your clear discomfort just to get his way, it’s a sign that he’s more concerned with his desires than your well-being and that's a major red flag. Respecting boundaries is fundamental to a healthy relationship and when someone constantly tests or dismisses your limits, they’re showing you they don’t value your feelings, autonomy, or consent. This is a clear sign that he’s not interested in mutual respect, but rather in getting what he wants, no matter how it makes you feel.
9. He keeps you a secret
If you've been dating for over six weeks and haven't met any of his friends, there's a strong chance that no one in his life even knows you exist. Whether he claims he's "too private" or "just waiting for the right time," consistently keeping you from integrating into his life suggests that he’s not serious or is hiding something — whether it's keeping his options open, maintaining control, or avoiding commitment. A guy who truly values you and your relationship won't keep you in the shadows.
10. He's a control freak
At first, his attention may seem sweet — texting you every night to ask where you are, suggesting a hairstyle he thinks you'd look good in, or even having the waiter dim the lights to create the perfect ambiance. But over time, this can turn into something more sinister.
What starts as attentiveness can quickly become controlling behavior, where he dictates where you go, how you look, and what you do to maintain his sense of control over the relationship. If you find yourself falling into a pattern where you are tiptoeing around his preferences to keep the peace, take note and get out.
A control freak seeks to manipulate their environment, and eventually, that includes you. This isn't romantic, it's about power, and it’s a serious red flag.
11. He insults your intelligence
Not everyone will agree on every topic, but if he belittles you — whether through condescending remarks, 'humor', sarcastic comments, or subtle digs — it's disrespectful. Experts say this kind of behavior isn’t just him being rude; it’s a way of undermining your confidence and making you doubt yourself, all while asserting his superiority.
You deserve a partner who uplifts and values your opinions, not someone who chips away at your self-esteem. If he can't respect your mind, it’s time to say goodbye—without hesitation.
12. He doesn't respect intimate exclusivity
When you’ve both agreed to certain boundaries around intimate exclusivity — whether you have labeled it as an 'official relationship' or not—disregarding those expectations is a violation of both your trust and body. What makes him a bad person in this situation isn’t just the act of seeking other partners, but the betrayal of your agreed-upon boundaries.
You have the right to complete body autonomy, and that includes being in control of your sexual health and having full knowledge of your risk factors. At the end of the day, if he can't respect the agreements that keep you safe, he's giving you a glimpse of his character and showing you exactly where his priorities lie — and they aren't with your trust, health, or the integrity of the relationship.
13. He lacks empathy
You tell him a story that would normally elicit a sympathetic reaction or mention that he's hurt you in some way, and he responds in an unfeeling (or worse, angry) manner. Watch out. There are moments when we all act like a jerk, but if this happens a lot you could be dealing with a narcissist.
14. He isolates you
In the beginning, it might seem innocent— he just wants more alone time with you, or he doesn’t vibe with your friends or family yet. Before you know it, he's discouraging you from seeing loved ones or making you feel guilty for maintaining those relationships. Suddenly, you're canceling plans just to avoid an argument.
According to research published in the Journal of Family Violence (2016), isolating a partner from their support system is often the first step in establishing control. In doing so, he increases your dependency on him, making it harder for you to recognize unhealthy behaviors or leave the relationship. Run!
15. He doesn't accept accountability
When conflicts arise, does he always find a way to shift the blame onto you, others, or circumstances? If he never apologizes sincerely or works to correct hurtful behavior, it’s a sign that he either lacks the emotional maturity to own his mistakes and resolve issues, or he's trying to deflect, deny, or gaslight you into questioning your own experience. Either way, he's not showing up as a healthy partner you deserve.
16. He gets physical with you
If a partner hits, shakes, grabs, or otherwise gets physical with you — even just once — that’s not just a red flag; it’s a sign of danger. The violence may seem minor at first, but research shows that it tends to escalate over time. This is not something to take lightly.
According to the CDC, about 1 in 5 homicide victims are killed by an intimate partner, with more than half of female homicide victims killed by a current or former male partner. Additionally, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced physical violence from a partner during their lifetime. Finally, abuse is never your fault and you are not alone. If you or someone you know has experienced domestic violence, please contact the domestic violence hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233).
Brenda Della Casa is an author, writer, speaker, and coach focusing on personal development. Her bylines have appeared on Allure, POPSUGAR, HuffiPost, Glamour, Thrillist, Thought Catalog, and others
