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These signs are red flags that it's time to say buh-bye.
By Brenda Della Casa — Updated on Mar 22, 2023
We've all been there. You're conversing over cocktails after ending your relationship with Mr. So Very Wrong, and boom — your bestie puts down her mojito and hits you with the painful line no one ever wants to hear.
"There were signs when you were dating," she says. Annoying? Yes. True? Well, yes. So, in honor of both your love life and your friendships, I'm laying out twenty early signs that it's time to say goodbye.
Consider it the ultimate tear sheet for Tinder.
Here are 20 signs you need to exit the relationship ASAP:
1. He acts like a pen pal
Whether fueled by a busy schedule, a need to collect admirers, or general laziness, if you have texted 150 times and met up 0, it's time to set a date (and keep it) or delete his number.
2. He's Mr. Critical
This is the guy who really likes you but would like you so much better if you made this tweak, and that tweak, oh, and that one, too. Bye!
3. He's a self-confessed playboy
When a man tells you he is only in it for "fun," please, please believe him. If you want a fling, be safe and go for it, but don't be the woman who wastes her time trying to change his mind. No, no, no!
4. He refuses to be tested before sex
Red. Flag.
5. He's a porn junkie
Looking at porn doesn't make you an addict, but needing to reenact those videos in order to finish every time is a huge red flag.
6. He makes misogynistic remarks
If a man is suspect and shows disdain for the female gender as a whole, but sees you as the exception, run!
7. He's a flake
It's pretty easy to make a plan and keep it 95% percent of the time. If he has that many "emergencies," he's either a liar, a flake, or your life with him is going to be chaotic.
8. He's a self-proclaimed martyr
Thank GOD his boss/family/friends/society has him, otherwise, the whole structure of the world would fall apart. He doesn't mind, it's just ... he's so tired ...
9. He's a drama king
From screaming in traffic to storming off in the middle of dinner, this is the man who blows up on a whim and leaves those around him picking up the pieces. In relationships, you'll likely spend a few days "making" up every few weeks. It's time to leave the beating-the-door-in-the-rain guys behind.
10. He pushes your boundaries
You tell him you're afraid of heights and he begs you to go skydiving. You mention you're uncomfortable with first-date kissing and he shoves his tongue in your mouth. You insist on a condom, he whines.
11. He's a member of a secret society
If you've been dating for over six weeks and have not met any of his friends, you can pretty much bet that no one knows you exist — no matter what he says.
12. He's a control freak
It may seem sweet when he texts you every night to see where you are, attentive when he says you'd look nice with a certain hairstyle, and romantic when he gently asks the waiter to dim the lights at the restaurant. But as time passes, you'll notice that you're being asked not to go out, to change your looks, and to walk on eggshells to keep his environment "just so."
13. He insults your intelligence
Directly or indirectly. Bye!
14. He's a Peter Pan
A man who is 35 and acting out his 15-year-old fantasies does not make a solid partner, no matter how sexy or good the sex is.
15. He's a mama's boy
A man who loves and respects his mother? Awesome. A man who still has his mother folding his underwear? Awful.
16. He "doesn't know what he wants"
No, he doesn't want you and wants to date/sleep with others. Time to move on.
17. He wants to be "single for summer"
At 21, it's forgivable; At 40? Pathetic.
18. He's a sexting stranger
Some people are down with the d*ck picks, but if a man you've never met is sending you sexts, you can be sure he's not going to be sweeping you off your feet or taking you to brunch.
19. He lacks empathy
You tell him a story that would normally elicit a sympathetic reaction or mention that he's hurt you in some way, and he responds in an unfeeling (or worse, angry) manner. Lookout. Not all episodes are created equal, but if this happens a lot you could be dealing with a narcissist.
20. He's irresponsible
Is he always late, forgetting to keep promises, and always complaining about some kind of "mix-up"? Perhaps he's fighting with his landlord or arguing with his credit card company. Consider this proof he doesn't have his sh*t together and find yourself a grown-up.
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Brenda Della Casa is the Author of Cinderella Was a Liar, The Managing Editor of Preston Bailey and Gotham Bandit, A Huffington Post Blogger, and the founder of BDC Life In Style.