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He's not going to commit to you.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on May 09, 2023
Depending on what stage of life you're in, dating becomes a little more complicated when you have to keep an eye out for signs he's married.
Recently, I met a guy while heading home from work. He seemed nice, professional, and just a little bit nerdy. Needless to say, we hit it off well — although, we didn’t do anything physical.
On the day I decided to make the leap to physical, he ghosted me after he said he was "caught by his boss." And after the first day of radio silence, I realized what happened. He had gotten caught by the wife he never told me he had.
To a point, I suspected that he wasn’t truthful about things, but I had no proof to go on and was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. That being said, I should have paid better attention to the most common signs he’s married and cheating.
Here are 15 signs he's married — and just looking for a fling:
If they sound familiar, you might be the other woman or the potential side chick:
1. He won’t tell you his full name or give you many details about where he works
A guy who’s cheating on his wife will not want to give you many details that could make him traceable. After all, if you can track him on Facebook, you can tell the wifey that he’s been sleeping around, and that would ruin his home life.
2. You can’t really get much info about his personal life, either
He won’t introduce you to his friends, nor will he tell you much about his favorite hangouts. He just kinda focuses on you while not really giving much about what he did.
3. He doesn't save you under your name on his phone
Whether he's appointed some nickname for you or doesn't save you as a contact at all, he's doing it to cover his butt in case you contact him when someone else (like his wife) has his phone.
4. Getting your hands on his phone doesn’t happen
His phone is on lockdown more severe than Fort Knox. It’s password-protected, and he also jumps like a secret agent taking a bullet for the president if you even go near it. Yes, this is a sign that he’s being shady and that you may be the side chick.
5. He won’t give you his number
If he constantly insists that you two just meet up outside your building, or if you drop by a cafe he frequents, or if you have to communicate via Snapchat, you’re the side chick. Players who really want to keep it down low will do anything to avoid a paper trail — including making you jump through hoops to talk to him.
6. Going public with you doesn’t seem to be his "thing"
And he keeps coming up with excuses as to why.
Does he exercise a lot of caution when being seen around you? Does he constantly come up with reasons not to post photos of you on social media, or does he put you in "ghost mode" when he posts?
If so, he’s probably hiding you from his wife.
7. You both have really busy schedules and it’s hard to meet up
If he spends very little time with you, it should be cause for concern. It could be that he’s spending the rest of his time with someone who he may be married to.
8. When you first met, he hid his hands or put them in his pocket before you continued talking
This is often a quick way to take off a wedding band so you don’t see it. If you saw it, he knows you wouldn’t go near him with a 10-foot pole. Don’t trust that a man is single just because he’s not wearing a ring. You don’t know until you know for sure.
9. He balks at any talk of commitment
Guys who are married do not want any more commitment. He’ll usually tell you that he wants to see how "things play out" and that he’s "not looking for anything serious."
It’s best to take this as a sign that he’s not looking long-term, but if you notice that it also coincides with other things on this list, it could be that he’s married.
10. He refuses to introduce you to anyone in his circle of friends or family
If a guy is looking for a fling, it’s not likely that he will want to introduce you to his parents, friends, or even acquaintances. If he’s married, he will do everything in his power to make sure that you never meet him. Simply put, if he’s not introducing you to people, he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s hooking up with you — and that doesn’t bode well for you.
11. The guy suddenly disappeared after some sexting or right before sex was going to happen
Most men who are taken will immediately cut off contact with a woman when they get caught by their wives. If this happened, it’s very likely that he was actually using you as the side chick.
12. Social media ain’t his friend
Is he refusing to add you on social media? Or does he have no online persona to speak of? If he has no evidence of his existence, then it’s quite likely that he’s actually not who he says he is, and that he’s trying to avoid exposing his affair via social media.
13. He will never let you spend the night or even come to his house
This is a massive red flag, and it’s one that you should take very seriously. There are only two reasons why this would happen. He either still lives at home with his parents, or he still is living with his wife.
14. The dates you go on are all very casual, or just paid in cash regardless of the prices you run up.
A man who does not want to get caught will not arouse suspicion by using a credit card and leaving a major dent in his personal bank account. This leaves dates to be pretty cheap or will leave him to withdraw money from an ATM before he hits up a restaurant.
15. He talks about the kind of man you’ll marry in the future, and it’s not him
We often try to hear what we want to hear, and that’s great... until you realize that he’s subtly saying that he can’t or won’t marry you. Guys who are taken will do this to clue you into the fact that you should be seeing others, too.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.