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If he shows these signs of not wanting to be in a relationship, it's time to move on and stop wasting your time.
By Mitzi Bockmann — Last updated on May 25, 2023
Have you been wondering if the guy you're seeing doesn’t actually want to be in a relationship with you?
Did you have big hopes and dreams for where this relationship can go, but now you are noticing your guy might not be on the same page, especially when you talk about the future?
If there are signs he doesn't want a relationship with you, you might tend to ignore them.
You convince yourself that your person does want to be with you and that you can keep them if you can show them how much you love them. Unfortunately, that never works.
It's important not to ignore the red flags your guy doesn’t want to be in a relationship. You will waste a lot of time if you do.
Do not ignore these signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
1. He disappears.
If your guy disappears, doesn’t return your texts or your calls, or makes excuses to not be with you, then he doesn’t want to be with you.
A client of mine started having sex with an old friend. He told her over and over and over that if he was going to be in a relationship, she’s the one he would want to be in one with. She believed they were working toward building a relationship together because she really wanted one.
At the same time, he would constantly make excuses about why he couldn’t come over to see her. He was in recovery and told her he was working with people at his recovery center, even when he had promised her he would be with her. He would say he was coming over later and then wouldn't show. When he did show up, he let her take care of him but did nothing in return.
My client got increasingly upset. She knew deep down he didn’t want a relationship but she just couldn’t accept the fact. She dug herself in deeper, believing if she held on, he would change his mind.
It finally a her total emotional breakdown, and for him to be direct about his not wanting to have a relationship with her, for her to see she was wasting her time.
She walked away. It was hard for her to do so and it took a while, but she finally did it. She has now met the love of her life and is getting married in October.
2. He only wants to stay home.
A guy who wants to be in a relationship really likes to show off his partner. He's actually eager to get out there and share the person he has chosen with the world, and who chose him!
If your person has taken to only wanting to stay home, watch movies, eat dinner, and go to sleep early, then it’s very possible he doesn't want to be in a relationship. By staying home with you, where he can be taken care of and have sex, your guy is able to maintain a semblance of a relationship to keep you happy without actually being in one.
So, if your guy no longer wants to take you out, to introduce you to his friends or his family, then it’s very possible he does not want a relationship.
If you’re seeing this, consider walking away, now!
3. You're feeling insecure.
Many people ignore red flags when they present themselves to a potential partner.
When you think your person is pulling away, instead of taking note and walking away from them, you tend to lean in even more. You're nicer, take care of them, go out of their way to be available, give them more sex, and do whatever you can do.
You believe if you love them enough, they will want to be in a relationship with you.
When my ex-husband told me he wanted to divorce, I went out of my way to be the best wife I could be. I would dress up for him when he got home at the end of the day. I had way more sex with him than I usually did. I tried to be kind and direct and open.
He told me he wanted a divorce, but I didn’t want to believe him. I believed if I gave him enough, he would stay. He didn’t.
All of this left me feeling horrible about myself. I knew I was giving more than I was receiving and I was debasing myself by doing so. As time went on, it got worse and worse until finally I stopped feeling like a shell of myself.
So, if your person is making you feel insecure, then it’s definitely a sign he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.
4. He doesn’t make you a priority.
Be honest. Is your guy your number one priority? Do you put him above your friends, above your dog, above your family, above your work? (Well, maybe not above your dog...) Of course, you do! He's the person you love!
But, does he do the same thing? Are you the most important thing in his life and does he regularly show you?
Think hard about this because it’s important. It's essential for two people to make each other a priority in a healthy relationship. Both need to make an effort to put their relationship above all things, sometimes even above the kids.
Relationships are very hard and without constant effort, they can fall apart.
If your guy puts you after softball, work, friends, golf, etc., then he definitely does not want to be in a relationship.
People who want to be in a relationship act like they want to be in a relationship.
5. He tells you.
Has your guy told you — maybe over and over and over again — that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship?
In spite of him saying this, does he keep coming and going, hanging out with you, having sex with you, and letting you take care of him?
Are you telling yourself you know he really does want to be with you because of his actions and in spite of his words? Well, if you do, you're kidding yourself.
If someone tells you something directly, listen to them. If he’s telling you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, there's no amount of love you can give him that will make him change his mind.
So, if he's being honest and direct with you, believe him! Don’t believe things will be different with you.
The last thing in the world you want to hear is your guy doesn’t want to be with you.
If he doesn’t make you a priority, disappears, only wants to stay home, and you're feeling insecure, these are clear signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.
And if he’s already made up his mind, there's nothing that you will be able to do to change it.
Walking away is scary. You're afraid of the pain and of being alone forever. But, you'll be alone forever if you try to keep this man.
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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based, certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live.
This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.