Heartbreak

There Are Only 5 Ways To Save A Flawed, Unfulfilling Relationship

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how to save a flawed unfulfilling relationship

Understanding how to fix a broken relationship is often easier than couples realize. But all too often, people believe their relationship is too far gone to save.

Some couples sit on the sidelines and watch their marriages and relationships fade into the sky, turning their sunset into the dark of night. 

But even relationships mired in heartache, deceit and hurtfulness can still be saved as long as you and your partner agree that your union is one worthy of redemption. Where there are two wills, there's a way.

If you don't agree on this, saving your relationship becomes futile. But if you and your partner are willing to try, it won't be a walk in the park, but it will absolutely be worth it.

RELATED: If Your Broken Relationship Shows These 19 Signs, It's Worth Saving

The only five ways to save a flawed, unfulfilling relationship — according to a relationship expert: 

1. Speak candidly about your issues

The first item on your to-do list is to talk openly to clarify what the problem is. It's best to have this conversation in private — no children or overly interfering mothers-in-law around. 

You should also have this conversation when you both are calm. In other words, don't have it after a knock-down, drag-out fight.

One additional tip: Take a sober approach to the conversation. Alcohol can make your problems seem worse than they actually are. 

RELATED: The 12 'Golden Rules' That Couples Who Actually Stay Together Seem To Follow

2. Make a list of what you want from one another

In what way do you and your partner need to change? Be sure to make a balanced list, and refrain from putting 10 items under the "Hers" column and only two under the "His." 

Also, make sure that you list things that are truly conducive to saving a relationship. Agreeing to better support your husband is one thing, but agreeing to watch Sports Center six nights a week is another.

RELATED: The 8 Specific Signs You're In One Of Those Rare Relationships That Can Truly Last A Lifetime

3. Out with the old behavior

Before you can try something new, you must first stop the problem behavior.

If you've been ignoring your wife because you're tired after work, stop doing that. If you've been nagging your husband the instant he walks in the door, stop doing that.

If you've been sleeping with your co-worker while your wife is out of town — definitely stop doing that.

RELATED: 8 Things All Couples Can Do To Fix Their 'Broken' Relationships

4. Check in on one another's progress

After you've figured out the areas needing change and you've put forth the effort to cease your destructive behavior, agree to check in with each other every so often (perhaps once a month or once every six weeks). 

This allows you to assess your relationship, and what each of you has done to improve it (hint: praise each other for what you've each done right so far because change doesn't happen perfectly).

Checking in periodically also allows you to address new issues and jump on potential struggles before they take root. Like your initial meeting, make sure this assessment is done privately.

RELATED: The 4 Behaviors That Cause 90% Of All Divorces

5. Improve intimacy

Start having being physically intimate again. Of course, it's possible that you've never stopped. Possible, but not likely. 

Physical intimacy is usually the first thing to go when a relationship begins sinking. However, getting back into it helps you to get back into each other — literally and metaphorically. 

True, this might not feel natural at first. In that case, schedule intimacy with a fake-it-til-you-make-it approach. But after some time, you will find it is the purest and most actual way for you and your spouse to connect. This may lead you to realize just how much you've been missing out.

RELATED: 16 Things Couples That Actually Stay Together For Life Do Differently

Michael Griswold is a relationship coach. To learn more about keeping your marriage or relationship afloat, visit his YouTube channel.

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