The Real Reason You're Obsessed With That Jerk

If you're still obsessed with that one person who did you wrong, you'll probably want to fix that.

Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock

If you've ended up falling for a total jerk, don't worry, you're not alone. Plenty of us have found ourselves in love with someone who wasn't right for us.

And whether it was their unbearable personality or rude behavior, we've all wondered why we were hung up on that one person.

So, why are we obsessed with someone who treats us badly? Relationship therapist and founder of KMA Therapy, Dr. Kimberly Moffit discusses the real reason you just can't seem to shake off that one person.




The Real Reason You're Obsessed With That Jerk

The reason they strike you is actually something more internal. Moffit explains, "We are attracted to the parts of someone's personality that represent our own deficits."

When you think about why you like someone, it's got to be more than just their looks or a nice smile. There's something about their personality that you find appealing, even if you can't quite put your finger on it.


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Maybe it's because of their confidence? Or perhaps they're a great leader? Are they super smart and have great communication skills? Or are they a social butterfly?

Whatever it is, most of the time, the real reason you like that person is because their characteristics are something you lack in yourself.

Maybe you aren't that confident in yourself. Or maybe you don't believe you're smart or a good leader. Do you struggle with socializing and have terrible communication skills?

Yes, it's true — whatever you feel is lacking in yourself, you tend to find attractive in another person. Which might be why you're unintentionally fixated on that jerk.


woman obsessed with jerk Valeria Ushakova / The Valeria Ushakova Collection via Canva

Though it's good to know, what we want is to figure out how to get past this and move on to better things. If that sounds like you, here are a few ways you can stop obsessing over that jerk, according to Better Help.

3 Ways To Stop Obsessing Over Someone

1. Mindfulness

When we have a crush it's too easy to forget everything else. Doodling in your notebook, you allow yourself to get consumed by the idea of this person.


This is why it's important to bring yourself back to reality. Snapping ourselves out of these thoughts is the best way to get over our current obsession.

If you're having trouble with this, try focusing on flexing your hands and feeling your limbs. Or go take a walk if you can to clear your mind.

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2. Distract yourself

Distraction is the best way to get over obsession. Better Help writes, "They can allow you to see that there are important things in life other than your obsessive feelings."

Hang out with your family and have a movie night together. Or schedule an outing with your friends. At night, try FaceTiming your best friend to keep yourself distracted.




3. Redirect your attention

If you're still struggling, you might want to start redirecting your attention to something else, ideally yourself.

Take some time alone to process your emotions. Meditate to ground yourself and keep your mind clear. Eat a balanced diet and take care of yourself physically.




Getting over an obsession is tough, especially when it involves matters of the heart. But once you acknowledge why you feel this way, you can start using these methods to help you get over your crush once and for all.

RELATED: The Real Reason All Those (So-Called) 'Jerks' Broke Up With You

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.