The Real Reason Breakups Are So Difficult

Of course you're in pain, but it can help to understand why it hurts so bad.

woman staring at phone while crying Tonuka Stock / Shutterstock

Going through a breakup is one of the toughest feelings in the world, especially when it blinds you.

And you're often left wondering, "Why? Why did this happen, and why is it so hard to move on from?"

If this sounds like you, know that you're not alone in asking these questions. But luckily, psychologist Dr. Aria Campbell Danesh has some insights into why breakups hit us so hard.

The Real Reason Breakups Are So Difficult

"What people don't understand about heartbreak is the grief," says Danesh. You're not just losing a person or your best friend; you're losing the future you created together.


"You lose the imagined family that you thought you would have, or this idea of growing old together," explains Danesh. This can throw our minds into a tangled mess of confusion

Now, you have to figure out a future that doesn't involve that person. Now you have to rewire your brain to no longer care.

And as Danesh explains, "And there's something profound about sharing your daily life with someone."

To be exposed and to bare your all to that person. Despite your flaws and weird quirks, there's something amazing about being truly seen by another.

There's a sense of community to it. There's a sense of familiarity that can't be undone. Even if your time together was short, you likely shared details about your life that can't be erased.


Danesh continues, "In that time your mind imagines that this will continue."

So, when you break up your brain is thrown off completely. Now, you have to adjust to the unimaginable.

You no longer have the same connections you've had before. You no longer have that companionship that you craved. But, most importantly, you lose the vision of what could have been.

So, how do you rewire your brain after a breakup? And how do you heal from heartbreak? Well, licensed therapist Toya Foster suggests a couple of ways to get there.

RELATED: 8 Easy Ways To Reclaim Your Life When A Breakup Changed You For The Worse

How To Heal From Heartbreak?

1. Cut them off

The first step in healing is to cut off all contact with your ex. Delete their number and block them on all social media platforms.


Foster explains, "It may be hard to do so, but it will allow you to focus on yourself and give you the necessary space to heal."

Be sure to keep your distance from mutual friends, suggests Foster. Just until you've had time to process your emotions and heal.

2. Find support

It's important to not be too alone during this time. Remember, we humans need connections to thrive.

So, hang out with your friends and have a girl's night out. Have a movie night with your family or FaceTime a loved one at night. The important thing here is to reconnect.

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3. Practice mindfulness

If you find yourself at home, make sure to engage in mindful practices.

Foster writes, "Mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga or breathing exercises can help you stay grounded and present during this difficult time."

Plus, it can help you manage stress and keep you grounded when you feel like you're on the brink of falling apart.


Dealing with heartbreak is incredibly tough. It's not just about a breakup; it's a loss that now requires you to rewire both your brain and life without them.

So, be kind to yourself and try these three techniques when you're struggling with heartbreak.

RELATED: Why Women Get Over Breakups Faster Than Men

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.