Heartbreak

4 Painfully Honest Reasons Even Good Men Cheat (According To An Escort Who Knows)

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Why do men cheat, anyway? I have heard other men and some women argue that his cheating is due to her "letting herself go physically." If she would just get back into shape, he would be more attracted to her again. This is a ridiculous argument. It places all the blame and responsibility on her and releases him of any responsibility as if her only obligation in life is to be eye candy and work out seven days a week. Most likely, he has put on a few pounds and has no room to talk about her physical appearance. While her physical appearance or his lack of sexual attraction may be a factor, it is rarely the only reason why men cheat. If it has less to do with her and more to do with him, then what is the problem?

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Here are 4 painfully honest reasons why even good men cheat, according to an escort who knows:

1. Men can be poor communicators in relationships.

He’s an ace in many areas, but when it comes to understanding his feelings and effectively communicating his feelings with you, he gets an F. If he wants more couple time, sex, or spice in the relationship, chances are he’ll try to talk to you about it a few times, but he will quickly lose patience, become resentful, and justify having to go outside the relationship.

insecure man sits on a chair on a black background

Photo: Zapylaiev Kostiantyn via Shutterstock

2. Men have affairs due to their insecurities.

Many men love their wives/girlfriends and the life they have together. They have a great relationship. She is gorgeous, and they have a great sex life, yet he still sees other women. In this case, his cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the 6 inches between his head. He feels insecure in one way or another and needs to prove to himself "he’s still got it" by seeing other women.

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3. Insecure men try to avoid conflict in a relationship.

Conflict avoidance is another example of his inability or unwillingness to communicate. Rather than discussing his feelings or needs with you, he’ll choose not to rock the boat and instead dodge uncomfortable discussions, questions, or hurt feelings and simply seek out another woman to compensate for what he feels is missing in your relationship.

   

   

4. Avoidant men look for the path of least resistance.

From his perspective, it makes little sense to upset you or your relationship by bringing up heated topics. After all, he has to live with you and deal with any negative ramifications for days or weeks. He rationalizes instead that he can find a physical relationship on the side to get the small piece of what he’s missing in his real relationship. In his mind, this is a win-win. He remains happy because you’re happy and unaware there is a problem. Life is good and continues as usual.

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Relationship crisis.

Photo: Andrii Zastrozhnov via Shutterstock

Before launching my relationship coaching business, I spent five years in Washington, D.C. as an escort. This was a lucrative profession, and I was fortunate to have met many wonderful clients and accompanied them around the world. Still, I found this work to be emotionally taxing and a poor choice of profession if I wanted to live my life.

Despite these challenges, I’d never take back my days as an escort. I gained a unique insider perspective regarding men and how they think, communicate, and rationalize many of their actions. I finally understood why men cheat, even if they love their wives. This work taught me an enormous amount about myself, my previous marriage, and why my husband left me even though he still loved me. Finally, I understood where I went wrong in my relationship. In hindsight, I saw the warning signs telling me my marriage was over well before I knew it was.

What is the moral of the story here? Why should every woman want to hear what this former escort has to say about your relationship?

   

   

The fact is he’d rather be getting everything he needs emotionally and sexually from you. He doesn’t want to outsource his physical and emotional needs to someone else. What he wants is to have the romantic and meaningful sex life the two of you had when you first met. Unfortunately, if he thinks something is missing in your relationship, he doesn’t always know how to talk to you about it without hurting your feelings and causing conflict. Women need to be proactive and discuss the relationship with him to determine if both of you are getting what you need.

If he feels like he can be open and honest about his feelings and desires, he is much less likely to feel justified in having an affair.

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Jess Brighton is a Life, Adversity, and Reinvention Coach who helps clients reinvent themselves.