Heartbreak

An Open Letter To Those Who Feel Like A Second Choice

Photo: Stocksnap / pixabay via Canva
woman laying on side of building

By Madison Flatman

To those who have always felt like a second choice,

You may have been the kid who watched yourself get excluded from birthday parties. Or you never got picked to do group projects in class.

Maybe you have been the one who was only identified based on the people you hung out with. Or you were the one who constantly fell for love that loved another.

You may have been the child of someone who put substances over your happiness or the forgotten friend in a trio friendship.

RELATED: Why Being Your Second Choice Made Me Put Myself First

You tend to compare yourself to others. This may influence the way you dress or the way you converse with others.

You may have become a people-pleaser who tries to say the right thing for validation. Or you may have decided to keep to yourself in fear of abandonment.

Maybe you have become an overthinker who always waits for something bad to happen because people you’ve trusted have let you down.

You are worth more than the situations that left you feeling worthless.

You may have confronted someone for making you feel like you weren’t a first choice. They try to tell you what you are feeling is wrong. But you have a right to feel hurt and angry.

Your voice begins to crack as you try to explain why they hurt you. Then they interject reasons why they just didn’t have the time to make you a priority.

You try to give them the benefit of the doubt. You continuously let these people hurt you until you realize they still aren’t putting effort to make you feel important.

They are making you feel worthless.

RELATED: If You Can't Choose Between Her And Me, Please Don't Choose Me

People who truly care about you won’t give you the opportunity to question where you stand with them.

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You care so deeply about other people that sometimes it’s hard to see a world without them. And you would do anything for them.

You put so much value into the connections you make that you forget to see which connections are worth holding on to.

When you do find that healthy connection, you may feel it’s too good to be true or that they feel sorry for you. You may try to push them out altogether as a way to protect yourself from getting hurt.

The world has conditioned you to think there’s someone better that deserves the attention more because, for the longest time, you have never been first priority to many people.

You aren’t anyone’s first choice because you aren’t putting yourself first.

In the words of Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl, “I’m not a stop along the way, I’m a destination.” You are worthy of having people in your life who make you feel unconditionally loved and important.

You have control of who you let into your life. If there are people in your life who make you feel small, find people who make you feel large.

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Madison Flatman is a singer, drummer, and writer from Wisconsin, and frequent contributor to Unwritten. Her work focuses on topics of wellness, relationships, and mental health.

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This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.