Stay-At-Home Mom Devastated After Accidentally Reading Her Husband’s Group Chat & Realizing He Wants To Break Up
He said horrible things about her she had no idea he felt, and now she feels she must leave.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Relationships often reach a point where the people in them are no longer on the same page. The problem is, one party often has no idea of the state of things until it's too late. Such was the case for a mom online who got an unexpected wake-up call from her husband's private conversations.
A mom is devastated after reading her husband's group chat and finding he wants a divorce.
If you're like most, you probably assume this was an invasion of privacy, say, because of suspicions of cheating. But the mom said in her Mumsnet post that it was actually because she was planning a surprise party for her husband and needed his friends' phone numbers to invite them. Instead, she got a shocking jolt she never saw coming.
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Her husband had said 'awful' things about both her and their marriage in the group chats.
These were not heartfelt laments from a husband coming to terms with a relationship that has run its course. "I was horrified to find some awful messages about me," the mom wrote, saying that her husband had told his friends he was trapped in a "miserable marriage" he wants out of. He also said he wishes he could have an affair, "but she will take all my money & I wouldn't have anywhere to live." He even went so far as to say he didn't care about getting custody of their child so long as he gets to keep his money.
She also found messages in which he complained about her being a financial drain because she's a stay-at-home mom and even ones in which he made up things she had said or did in order to get sympathy from his friends. Sadly, it was a cruel ploy that appeared to have worked.
His friends sympathized with him and encouraged him to cheat.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, these friends she was trying to invite to his party didn't exactly acquit themselves admirably either. They commiserated with everything her husband said and encouraged him to leave her.
But they also offered to set him up with "hot mum friends" and encouraged him to reach out to ex-girlfriends, calling his marriage a "'Sliding Doors' moment" where he could have ended up with someone better. She also found a photo of her husband with another woman.
"I think the hardest part is seeing all his friends complicit in it," she wrote. "There's a level of contempt towards me. It's clear he doesn't see us as equal partners, doesn't value my contribution at home… A lot of what he's said isn't true."
People urged her to formulate a plan and leave her husband.
Even if she did acquire the information through somewhat dishonest means, there's simply nowhere to go from here. Thankfully, the mom herself realized this. "I don't think there's any coming back from this," she wrote.
Commenters urged her to quietly come up with a plan to leave, and then to confront him once everything is in place. Experts say this is often the best course of action for women, especially in difficult situations like this one; she should be doing as much legwork as possible before speaking to her spouse.
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This means contacting lawyers, gathering all necessary documents, taking an appraisal of her finances, and putting money aside in a separate account if possible. Lawyers also recommend limiting social media activity and reaching out to trusted friends or family for support.
These steps will help minimize the ways you can be taken advantage of once divorce proceedings begin. Unfortunately, it sounds like the level of vitriol this woman's husband has towards her — and how obsessed with money he is — means she'll need to do everything she can to defend herself. Hopefully, she can then begin to heal once the storm is over.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
