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Mom Kicks Fiancé Out Of Her Home For 'Disciplining' Her Daughter After She Specifically Told Him That's Not How She Parents

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Scared little girl hiding behind mother from stepfather

A mother admitted that she ended her engagement because of the way her fiancé interacted with her daughter. Posting to Reddit, the 34-year-old woman explained that her daughter expressed fear about her future stepfather which caused her to end the relationship.

She kicked her fiancé out for disciplining her daughter after she told him that's not how she parents.

In her Reddit post, she explained that she first met her fiancé when her daughter was six, three years after the death of her biological father. She waited until she'd been dating him for a year before introducing him to her daughter, and when the two met, they got along really well.

He moved in when her daughter was eight, and the two of them had a long discussion about ground rules and how she disciplined her daughter. She insisted that she never spanks her daughter and didn't want him to either. She explained that she'd grown up being spanked by her parents for small things, but that those instances made her fearful of her parents. 

"I said I would never do that because I’d never want my children to be scared of me," she wrote.

   

   

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However, her fiancé's agreement that he would never spank his future stepdaughter was ultimately an empty promise.

The incident began after she took away her 10-year-old daughter's iPad because she had been acting up in school and using the device during lessons. 

"She tried to ask for it back but I told her no and to go watch TV or do something else. She got upset and ran upstairs. I heard the door slam and screaming. I was watching my nephew and he was crying so I had to feed him," she recalled. "While I’m doing that I hear her scream like ... a scream of pain so I hurry up the stairs and he’s in her room with his belt talking to her and she’s in the corner crying."

She immediately told her fiancé to leave her daughter's room. When she confronted him about his actions, he claimed that her daughter was slamming doors in "his" house and being disrespectful. She argued that he agreed to never put his hands on her daughter, no matter what, and that by doing so, he disrespected her. 

"She’s allowed to have emotions and I refuse to have him beat that out of her," she wrote. "I told him to leave for the night. My daughter told me that she’s scared of him so the next day I ended it."

   

   

She claimed that her fiancé has accused her of being both 'dramatic' and 'irresponsible.'

Since breaking up with him, her ex-fiancé has continued trying to contact her, accusing her of raising an entitled daughter who isn't being properly disciplined. She simply told him to stop calling her, but even her parents think she's being overdramatic.

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"My sister says she thinks I did the right thing," she shared. "Our dad was the main disciplinarian and she said she was terrified of him for years until she left. I was too and my mom was complacent and never did anything when we went to her for help."

Due to her own childhood, the mom is adamant about breaking the cycle and doesn't want her daughter to ever go through what she did — especially in her own home, which is supposed to be the young girl's safe space.

   

   

Parents should never put their hands on their children, as it only leads to trauma following them into adulthood rather than better behavior.

Just as this mother said in her post, it is impossible to beat respect and compliance into a child. Fear and respect are not the same thing, and they cannot exist at the same time either. 

A child may be your responsibility, but they are still human beings at the end of the day, and it takes time for them to understand emotional regulation. Spanking or hitting children isn't going to teach them any faster. 

And, as the mother pointed out, "discipline isn’t only physical." 

To make matters worse, this mother specifically told her fiancé that she was against hitting her child, or any child for that matter. He agreed only to go back on his word and do just that to her daughter.

It's one thing for a biological parent to spank their child, but for a future stepparent to do it is a whole different story and not acceptable on any level. People in the comments agreed that she did the right thing in protecting her daughter's safety and well-being.

"He must have felt real secure in your relationship to go against your wishes like that with you in the house," one Reddit user wrote. "He didn’t even try to talk to you about it because he knew you’d say no."

Another user added, "You made the right decision. It’s a one-strike-you-’re-out rule when it comes to your child. There are plenty of men out there in the world, you only have one daughter."

At the end of the day, this mother's choice stems from her determination to not repeat the cycle of childhood trauma that followed her into adulthood. She made the commendable decision to protect her daughter over her engagement proving that she's committed to being the best parent she can be.

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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.