If You’re With This Type Of Guy, Odds Are You're Being Abused

Photo: lekcej | Damir Khabirov | Getty Images 
Woman stressed out next to man

He remains calm while crushing you with his covert psychological abuse.

Your partner assaults you without even raising his voice. He (or she) contradicts your opinions. He trivializes your feelings. He blocks your communication. He counters your every thought. He undermines your efforts.

RELATED: How Using The 'Power And Control Wheel' Can Help Victims Know If They're In An Abusive Relationship

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He insults and ridicules you and he says he was joking and you’re too sensitive. When you tell him to “stop it” he turns on you and says you’re “overreacting.”



Drip. Drip. Drip …

He grins contemptuously and he ridicules and mimics you in front of friends and family.

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He fails to keep his promises to you, claiming an oversight, or he says he “forgot.” 

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He harshly criticizes you and then he tells you he was only trying to help.



Drip. Drip. Drip …

He instigates a menacing argument and then he discounts and denies his hurtful actions.

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He describes himself as easy-going and he tells everyone you are hard to get along with. He convinces everyone that you are the one who is crazy.

RELATED: Why Emotional Abuse Makes You Feel Crazy, Even When You're (Pretty Sure You're) Not

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He convinces you — that you are the one with the problem!

Lundy Bancroft presents the “Water Torturer" in his book, Why Does He Do That?, in which he states that the Water Torturer is difficult to identify and the psychological effects of living with the Water Torturer can be severe and sink in deeply.

Bancroft explains:

"He tends to stay calm in arguments, using his evenness as a weapon to push his partner over the edge. If she yells in frustration, leaves the room crying, or sinks into silence he tells his victim, “See, you’re the abusive one, not me. You’re the one who’s yelling and refusing to talk things out rationally. I wasn’t even raising my voice. It’s impossible to reason with you.” The victim may then feel stupid and inferior, doubt her reality, and even blame herself for his hurtful behavior."

The Water Torturer’s goal is to tear you down to make you feel weak and insecure and precariously dependent on him.

You recoil to get away from your partner’s cruelty, and you try to regain your equilibrium after his latest verbal attack. You may wonder what you did wrong as you try to salvage your positive outlook on life. Just when you think you are starting to recover from his latest battering — he knocks you down with yet another unexpected verbal assault.

RELATED: How To Know If The Abuser In Your Relationship Is You

Until one day you decide it’s easier to stay in bed.

The longer you stay with an abuser, the more he can isolate you from your family and friends and make you dependent on him for your welfare and happiness.

You question your self-worth. You wonder if the abuse is your fault and you doubt your ability to take care of yourself.

The longer you stay with an abuser the more you doubt if any man will ever want you again.

Girl, grab your Michael Kors purse and the keys to your Audi, and leave that good-for-nothing scumbag!

If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.

If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.

RELATED: 7 Signs You're Being Quietly Abused (And Don't Even Know It)

Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating, and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.