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And it was based on money, not the law.
By Colleen Sheehy Orme — Written on Mar 22, 2023
“You’re lucky,” my husband says. “I’m being generous.” His arrogance is premeditating.
He’s appointed himself judge and jury. I just don’t know it yet.
“Why would you leave the Golden Goose anyway?” asks my husband.
The Goose is calculating my worth. It’s not based on being college sweethearts, best friends, abandoning my career to build a business with him, motherhood, or the tragedy of our lost love.
It’s not based on divorce law; it’s his personal appraisal. He’s assigning me a monetary value. He’s dictating what I should be worth and it’s all about the money.
He forgets I’m the girl who was buying his college drinks.
Looking back, it was a sign: The country club boy who spent his money recklessly and had no problem letting his girlfriend who was paying her way through school pick up the tab. The Goose has no intention of following property and asset law.
He believes this unfairly overvalues me. Why should I get what he refers to as ‘his money?’ I’ve served my purpose in his life. I’ve helped him build a business, and investment properties, and raised our children.
He clings to society’s antiquated valuation of the stay-at-home mom. The bonbon-eating lazy sponger. The woman who takes advantage of the poor hard-working feller.
The Goose says he shouldn’t owe me more than any other employee. He forgets I’m a 50% owner. There’s a vast difference between me and any other employee of our business.
You see, the Golden Boy, before he self-titled a name change, the Golden Goose, asked me to quit my own career as a newlywed. I walked away from building a profession of my own to work full-time growing a business with him. It was a big ask.
But back then his last name was Boy, not Goose so I was unaware of just how big it was.
He says I did some administrative work and how valuable could that be? When it frees the Goose up to sell all day and double and triple and quadruple the business … I’d say it’s worth a pretty penny.
But none of that matters because he’s appointed himself judge and jury. The law doesn’t matter in these here divorce territories.
It’s the wild west of divorce emotional and financial abuse. The Goose thinks he’s the one victimized. I’m trying to rob him of ‘his money.’ He claims I have never contributed financially throughout our marriage. He is a self-made man.
He’s so successful in his opinion, he’s above the law. He’s going to decide what I deserve.
His final verdict? Zero savings and zero retirements, no credit because he’s made sure to ruin it.
It seems even though he escapes consequences, he thinks leaving him means I should suffer some. The monthly amount I receive is approximately 65 to 75% lower than it should be.
I know what you’re thinking. What about the law? Don’t even Geese have to abide by it?
Not when they lie and lower their income because they’re self-employed. Not when they’ve been hiding money from the business for years. Not when they lie, cheat, and steal.
I’m outraged that a man decided my value. How dare he? Who does he think he is?
Does the Goose think he’s God? He might. He’s that off the charts. There’s a reason divorce laws are in place. There’s a reason after decades of marriage, people are afforded their retirement and assets. And the ability to rebuild their lives.
It’s barely possible to articulate the level of arrogance it takes to act like a ruler of your own kingdom — as if you deserve all the riches and the little people who hold you up deserve nothing.
I built that life with him. I sacrificed my own career. I got a part-time job to start saving for the first investment property. I paid the bills for our home, business, and rentals. I handled our investments, insurance policies, mortgages, and more. I raised our children. I only handed him the finances once I told him I was thinking of leaving him.
Stupid me, I naively didn’t understand why he suddenly wanted to pay them.
Two people were responsible for our marriage. One, if you count the fact that the Goose started uncharacteristically drinking and scaring my children and me. His behavior ended our relationship.
He wasn’t a victim. He was responsible for the end result.
Making it even more egregious that he felt he could personally appraise me. My husband decided my value in divorce.
It was based on money, not the law. All he did was show how worthless he truly was.
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Colleen Sheehy Orme is a national relationship columnist, journalist, and former business columnist. She writes bout love, life, relationships, family, parenting, divorce, and narcissism.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.