How To Focus On Yourself After A Breakup

It's out with the old and in with the you!

woman in red top in front of colorful background pointing to herself Shift Drive / Shutterstock

The end of a relationship is never easy. Living without your relationship, especially if it was a long one, can take a lot of getting used to. But now is the time to kiss it all goodbye because today is a new day and it starts and ends with the letters Y-O-U!

The relationship probably took up most of your time and you might start feeling lonely. You're used to having him around and the familiar routine you had together. Mending a broken heart and learning to love your life without a certain someone takes time and that's okay.


It's important to fill up your schedule with things you want to do. Enjoy doing all the things that you never got to do when you were in a relationship and make the most out of your newly found single life.

Being single can be so much fun! A lot of times, it's more fun than being in a relationship; you just have to know how to live the single life right.

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Don't try to look for a new relationship right away. Everybody goes through a grieving period after a breakup and we all need time to get over someone. Sadly, it doesn't magically happen overnight. Give yourself time to get over the relationship instead of distracting yourself and complicating things with somebody new. There's no need, and it's not fair, to add someone else to the equation when you're still not over your ex.

Keep a positive attitude and focus on loving yourself. These are two very critical things; when you have a positive outlook on life and you give yourself lots of love, you'll feel good. You'll feel so good that your confidence will soar and everybody will start to notice how happy and independent you are.

Every broken heart heals with time and focusing on bettering yourself will definitely help you heal faster. Here's how to let go of the relationship and build a stronger relationship with yourself after it. You'll be feeling good in no time! You're an independent woman who doesn't need a man to live a fulfilling, happy life. You've got this!

Here are some tips on how to let go of an old relationship and focus on being the best version of yourself.


How to focus on yourself after a breakup

1. Don't look at old pictures.

Avoid looking at those pictures of you and your ex. When you see pictures of you both at a happy time together, it will make you miss him even more. You'll just be thinking about the good times and be tempted to contact him and get back together. When you're tempted to look at pictures, fight the urge. It will help you get over him if you're not always looking at his face on your phone.

However, I don't believe in deleting the pictures because, to me, they're still memories you should cherish. Think of those pictures as a chapter of your life that was good while it lasted but is now over. Don't look back when you can keep looking forward.

2. Avoid checking his social media.

Don't stalk your ex's Instagram and Twitter to try to find out what he's up to now. It will only end up hurting you more, trust me. It can also be addicting to do and you'll find yourself wanting to keep checking up on him.

Chances are, you'll end up finding things you didn't want to see. For example, you might see he has a new girlfriend and that will only fuel your desire to have him or get back at him. It's better to just stay away from his social media altogether. If you're too tempted, un-follow him. You don't have to block him, but just make sure he's off your feed.


3. Go through a no-contact period.

After a breakup, it's best you and your ex go your separate ways for a while. Whether you're planning on getting back together with him or breaking things off for good, it's important you take part in a no-contact period. This means you shouldn't talk to your ex or reach out in any way for at least a month. The average no-contact period is about 4-8 weeks. If you're wanting to move on and heal from the relationship, you can make the no-contact period as long as you need. If there's no need to reach out to him, then don't. The longer you go without talking to your ex, the more you'll get used to living without him.

RELATED: 9 Creative Ways To Be Happy & Confident When You're Single

4. Discover new hobbies/get back into old ones.

Use your free time to discover new passions or get back into old hobbies you used to love. You'll learn new things and feel productive doing something you enjoy.

To figure out your new hobby, take classes and try everything. Each week, you can immerse yourself in a different activity. For example, schedule a paint night class with your friends or head over to a dance studio and take a ballet or tap class. You'll realize how much more time you have on your hands now to enjoy trying things you've never done or thought about doing. You'll have a lot of fun taking up a new hobby and you'll probably end up making a lot of friends that love doing the same things as you in the process.


5. Create a new routine.

You're used to the routine of being in a relationship. Throw that out the window and get into a new, healthy routine that improves your life. For example, take cooking classes and learn how to make interesting meals that are good for you. Changing your diet and including more fruits and veggies will not only make you healthier, but it will make your whole body feel good overall. Start making fitness a part of your everyday life. Get a gym membership if you don't already have one and commit to getting in shape. Do it for yourself! You can also start waking up early and going for a run every morning.

If you start figuring out a plan for how you want your routine to be and you stick to it, you'll be feeling better in no time. The key is to get up and be active instead of sitting on your butt all day. When you're just sitting around every day, you'll start feeling unproductive and those thoughts of missing your ex will start creeping in.

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6. Learn to love your solitude.

Now that you're a beautiful single lady, it's important to learn how to enjoy your own company. Go out for a cup of coffee on your own, discover a great new book, or even plan a vacation for yourself. Think of it as dating yourself!


It's important to love who you are. Go out there on your own and be confident about it. Get to know yourself better and take this time for some self-reflection. Think about what you want out of life, your goals, and what you now want and don't want in a future partner. You'll start feeling so connected with yourself and your spirituality once you realize that alone time is actually an amazing thing.

7. Make more time for friends.

All the time you spent on the relationship is now freed up for more time with friends and family. Hang out like old times when you were all single ladies and go out on the town. Spend quality time together and laugh a lot. Laughter is the best medicine, as many people say! You'll start feeling really close to the friends that you might have pushed to the side and not seen as much when you were with your ex.

Your friends are there for you and can help you through anything. They know you better than anyone and they know what will cheer you up and help you move on! Friends are an important part of living a happy single life (and a happy life in general). It feels good to have people around that you can always rely on. Stay social and do everything that you and your friends love doing together. You'll feel an even stronger bond with your friend group and wonder why you ever preferred being around your ex over these insanely awesome women that have your back!


8. Don't rush back into dating.

When you feel absolutely ready to put yourself out there again, it's okay to start dating other people. Do it when you feel connected with yourself again and when you feel in your heart that it's time to officially move on in your journey to finding love. If you meet someone else, think of this list and try to still stick to it.

Self-love is number one and you need to always make yourself a priority. Relationships are a lot healthier when you make sure to focus on yourself too. Don't make a boyfriend your whole life. There's so much more to live for than a romantic relationship and you're discovering that every day.

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Lauren Margolis is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture, entertainment news, and relationships.