How To Avoid A Relationship Of Convenience

Relationships of convenience will waste years of your life.

woman looking sad while man has his back turned Nicoleta Ionescu / Shutterstock

A big concern for many women is ending up in a relationship of convenience.

This is a casual relationship in which she invests more than he does, yet she feels she benefits less mainly because he gets all the sex he wants, and she gets very little in return in terms of security and commitment.

Too many women security is everything, so the lack of relationship security is a problem. While to a lot of men, freedom, independence and autonomy come before a stable relationship. As one seeks security by showing up, the other enjoys the convenience of being unavailable.


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How to Avoid a Relationship of Convenience That Will Waste Years of Your Life

1. Lean back and let him take the lead.

When a woman rows the boat, she creates a fertile ground for the relationship to flourish, because some guys will gladly enjoy the ride when they don't have to extend any effort. When you step back and make him take the lead, he will either rise to the challenge and become more present, or he will fade away into the lack of maintaining the relationship.


2. Mirror him.

When he comes to you, you come to him. When he pulls away, you pull back, too, even further sometimes. Mirroring, though usually a subconscious act, can send a direct signal you are attempting to build more connection.

3. Don't give or invest more than he does.

The more you give or do things for him, the more you're invested in him and the relationship. Give him a chance to reciprocate and step up his game by leaning back. It doesn't mean you give with the exception of getting something in return; it means if he doesn't reciprocate, you can at least judge his level of interest toward you and the relationship.

Men who are into a woman will do something from time to time to make her happy and know she's important to him.

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4. Don't stop dating other guys.

The more focused you are toward one guy, with whom you have regular sex, the more you will be hormonally and emotionally hooked on him and the more vulnerable you become. I'm not saying you should have sex with every guy you date, but leaving your options open and your schedule full with other interested men will keep you grounded. The more you are relaxed about sex in general, the more alluring you become.

Guys who value sex as the most important part of a relationship will usually come back for more after an extended periods of time, unless they truly like you. It's just not worth it ;for them to come around to often since they know nothing comes free. Their potential fear of emotional drama and hurt feelings far surpasses the benefits of having regular, easy sex. Even more so if you alert him about the relationship status getting serious.

When you begin to show signs of discomfort about the lack of clarity in the relationship, these men will quickly leave the scene unless they are into you for more.

Most men understand there's not really any "no strings attached" sex after a certain amount of time has passed. If you've been somewhat a nag to him, and he's still around, obviously he likes you for more than sex. So while this notion isn't foolproof by any means, you should be able to relax a bit about the notion of "being used by a guy," which is a phrase women with a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence will use.


Relationships based on convenience happen, but if you have faith in your own value as a woman, the worry can be minimized.

A high-value woman feels secure and confident about her desirability simply because she has faith in herself, if nothing else.

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Katarina Phang is a dating and relationship coach and feminine magnetism expert who has worked with and helped thousands of women from all corners of the world transform their relationships.