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A lie is a lie. Plain and simple.
By Njeri Dean — Written on Sep 08, 2022
Simple white lies are harmless, right?
Well, we can argue about that all day. Lying is lying and that is a fact. Lying hurts when you do it to anybody, but it hurts the most when you lie to people you care about.
Think about it. When your spouse or partner knows that you are a liar, everything changes. Lying, no matter how big or small, can get you in a lot of trouble and can change your life forever.
You can mean well when you tell a little white lie, like if you're trying to cheer up somebody or trying to protect somebody. Lying doesn't always come from a place where someone wants to hurt you. Mothers lie to their children and even their family to protect them. Adults lie to children to protect their innocence and protect them from the world.
But if you do it once you're probably going to do it again and it can be habit-forming.
If you lie for a living, people will find out. Maybe not overnight, but the truth will emerge, often with terrible timing. Yes, the truth hurts, but it will set you free.
Here are 10 devastating ways even the littlest white lies can ruin your relationship:
1. One lie always leads to another.
If you lie you are a liar — there is no way around it. Little lies can and always will become bigger lies. You might believe you have good intentions but every lie makes it easier for you to lie again. The best thing is to tell your partner the truth. After all, honesty is a huge part of any relationship.
2. You can instill doubt into your relationship without realizing it.
Trust can be a big problem if you start lying with simple white lies. If you lie about the small things, your partner will question the truth behind everything you say. If you have been getting away with simple white lies, then you will probably get away with bigger lies like paying the bills on time or spending habits. Once you are caught in a lie, your S.O. will notice that you can't be trusted, which can lead to much bigger issues.
3. Your partner will see you differently.
If your S.O. knows that you lie, he or she will see you in a different light. They went into the relationship knowing one person and came out with somebody that they don't know — a liar. Your partner will begin questioning what is true about the relationship and what is false. Trust is a major factor in a relationship.
4. Your words will mean nothing.
If you lie even about the smallest of things, your partner will not take you seriously or care about the words coming out of your mouth. Your words will be meaningless because your spouse knows that whatever comes out of your mouth is false and a fabrication.
It would be sad if you said "I love you" to your boyfriend and he didn't care because he isn't sure if you mean what you say. Words mean so much. Don't let simple white lies ruin your relationship.
5. Your past actions and words will be scrutinized.
A play-by-play of events will circulate in your partner's mind if they find out you lied about something.
What you've said and done, and say and do from now on, will be scrutinized because your partner will believe you don't have the capacity, to tell the truth in simple circumstances. Trust is key and having a liar on your side is a full-time job. Always questioning if your S.O. means what they say and if their actions are genuine will grow tiring.
6. Your partner will feel betrayed.
It is hurtful to think that someone is not genuine with you. Lying to your partner may make him or her feel stupid for falling for whatever lie you told.
Feelings of betrayal can lead to a rift in the relationship and may cause your partner to lie and be dishonest with you as well. Instead of lying, talk to your spouse about how you feel.
7. It'll be difficult (if not impossible) to get things back to "normal."
Everything was just fine before you knew your S.O. was a liar. You knew you were safe and taken care of. You believed every word they said and took it to heart. You knew you could depend on them and didn't second guess their words.
Now you are doing double takes and re-evaluating your relationship. The trust has been broken and may never be fully restored, no matter how hard you try.
8. Your relationship could start to feel fabricated.
Was your love a fabricated lie or was it real from the beginning? Your partner will question whether your feelings are real and f the relationship is worth it. All the places you have been and experiences you shared will feel fake. Nothing will feel like reality after you are caught in a lie.
9. White lies can lead to a breakup.
Let's face it, as much as you want to save a relationship, sometimes it's not salvageable. If things aren't working, don't force it. Maybe you guys need a change and some time apart.
Being a liar can be exhausting and nobody wants to put up a liar. Having a partner that respects you and wants to be honest with you is crucial. If your S.O. doesn't want to change, there's nothing you can do. Make yourself happy and move on!
10. It could cause you or your partner to fall out of love.
Sometimes the love isn't there anymore after you're caught in a lie. If you are not honest with your S.O., they will question if the relationship s really worth it. Love is something that is real and if it appears to be fake, it's time to call it quits. Love dissipates sometimes and that's ok. Sometimes fate pulls people in different directions and that's that.
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Njeri Dean is a writer who covers love, relationship advice, astrology, and personality topics.