Man Tells His Ill Partner He'll Only Clean Their House For $25 An Hour — 'He Thinks I'm Making Excuses'
He argues she’s “using her cancer” as an excuse to be lazy.
Kaspars Grinvalds / CanvaPro We all look forward to springtime. The warmer weather always brings out the best in everyone! However, the dreaded downfall of spring cleaning looms over everyone’s heads, reminding us of our responsibilities amidst sunshine and smiles.
Whether it’s catching up on dishes, doing yard work, or simply washing the winter grime off your hardwood floors, it’s a chore nobody looks forward to, but everyone inevitably has to do.
However, one Reddit woman’s post on the “Am I Wrong” forum is evidence that “not everyone” is up to the task of cleaning their home.
An ill woman admitted her long-term boyfriend will only clean their house if he’s paid $25 an hour.
At 33 years old, this young woman has experienced much more than the average person.
“At the end of 2022, I was diagnosed with cancer,” she wrote. “I had several surgeries, went through fertility treatments, had five weeks of daily radiation, chemo, and 18 infusions of targeted therapy.” Alongside all of that, she dealt with being hospitalized on and off throughout the year.
Her boyfriend of over six years has been there to support her through it all. However, despite knowing how much she was struggling, mentally and physically, he made some recent demands that have people absolutely furious on her behalf.
After being diagnosed with cancer, she admitted it’s been an ‘exhausting year, mentally and physically.’
“I just finished my last targeted therapy last week. I start oral medication that I’ll have to be on for five years starting next week,” she wrote.
Understandably, she’s struggling. Researchers found that it's not uncommon for people dealing with serious health problems to have a severe decline in their typical mental health. Not only is it a physical burden to deal with illness, but there are a variety of other financial, social, and emotional burdens that accumulate, as well.
After living together for several years, the couple worked out a fair financial split that allowed her to step away from the typical money problems many experience while dealing with illness.
Her boyfriend makes ‘a significant’ amount of money, so he’s always paid their mortgage and she’s responsible for all other expenses.
With a much higher income than hers, her boyfriend pays for the house they currently live in and all utilities. “I pay for my car insurance, streaming services, gifts, lawn care, phones… any other expenses [outside of the house payment].”
They never really argued about the money situation, but he did expect her to do most of the housework.
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“He rarely takes the trash out and does not put any dishes in the dishwasher or wash them,” she explained. “I handle maintenance when anything goes wrong with the house or the cars. I schedule lawn care. I also work full-time. The only chore he does is his own laundry.”
With her illness and the difficulty of the past year, she confessed she fell behind on a lot of the chores she typically did and relied on her boyfriend to pick up some of the slack. However, the house was getting dirtier and dirtier, because he continued to ignore the chores and refused to pick up.
“He thinks since he pays for the house, I should keep it pristine.”
She worried that she was ‘being selfish’ for thinking he should help with cleaning.
“He told me he would clean the house, but only if I paid him $25 an hour to make it ‘worth’ his time,” she wrote. Shocked and undeniably frustrated at his response, she tried to explain how difficult the last year was for her and that she only needed some support in helping to care for their shared space.
“Am I being selfish for thinking he should help out even though he puts a roof over our head?” she asked. “I’m very grateful that he can do that. It’s just hard when I’m expected to do every little thing.”
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Comments under the post completely supported the woman's plight and found her boyfriend’s behavior repulsive and disgusting. “The lack of compassion in this boyfriend is incredible,” one woman wrote. “If my significant other was battling cancer, I’d climb the tallest mountain to make their life easier. That’s what real partners do for each other.”
Other readers suggested her boyfriend was battling with his own internalized resentment towards her because she wasn't able to “take care of him” or provide him “attention” amidst her battle with cancer.
It's not uncommon for the healthy partner in a relationship to feel overwhelmed by the new responsibilities a cancer diagnosis comes with.
While this man seems entirely selfish on the surface, it's possible his emotions and dealing with the change in their life have him acting out. It's actually very common for a healthy partner to feel anger and resentment towards their sick significant other.
According to Stanford Health, relationships that are faced with an illness like cancer can sometimes get closer, but it's not uncommon for the partnership to end.
Of course, the only way to strengthen a relationship through illness is with communication, and that may be lacking in this situation. Perhaps instead of simply telling her boyfriend that she has been struggling, she needs to explicitly tell him what she needs. If he doesn't offer support through those discussions, she might simply be better off on her own.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.