Over-Thinkers Who Finally Find Peace In Their Own Minds Make 4 Tiny Shifts Before Doing Anything Else
STEKLO / Shutterstock People who are prone to anxiety and worry often struggle to find peace in their own minds, replaying past mistakes and asking themselves, what the in the world was I thinking? Clinical psychologist Dr. Elisha Goldstein gets it. And he understands that when you're in that over-thinking mindset, it can feel impossible to take action for your mental health and finally find peace.
Dr. Goldstein, who just launched a new book, joined Andrea Miller on the Getting Open podcast where he shared a super simple, effective formula to help people stop obsessive overthinking. His method is based not on big, sweeping changes. Instead, it's all about tiny shifts. That's where his podcast and book got their name: Tiny Shifts.
Bringing the worlds of psychology, neuroscientist and mindfulness together, Dr. Goldstein is a leading voice on how chronic stress and emotional patterns shape health, relationships, and long-term health in body and mind.
Over-thinkers who finally find peace in their own minds make 4 tiny shifts before doing anything else
1. Recognize when you see urgency bias
Mass consumption surrounds us, tricking us into believing we need to do more, buy more, and consume more to be more of a person. And now we are like the fish in the water, we no longer recognize the water when we see it.
Dr. Goldstein explains how our culture is set up to feed our unworthiness wounds. If you aren't living gloriously, like the "perfect" mom down the street or the wealthy celebrity on TV, you'll feel better if you buy a thing. Of course, it doesn't actually make you feel better, so we rush to buy another thing.
We end up rushing to fill the void of unworthiness, instead of slowing down to be aware of what the feeling is trying to tell us.
So, if you want to find peace as an over-thinker, start dismantling the urgency bias and seeing it for what it is: a way to get you to buy stuff. Then, do something more meaningful. It doesn't matter what it is, just don't participate in manufactured urgency.
2. Listen to the feeling and identify it
"Tiny shifts are just these emotional pivots we can make in our everyday lives," says Dr. Goldstein. So many people think feeling better means doing more. Yet, awareness of our emotions can create tiny shifts in the moment and make us more resilient to stress, and benefit our long-term health."
Once you have recognized that there is no need to rush to fill yourself with things, you can stop and listen.
- What is the urgency trying to cover?
- What is the feeling you are in at the moment?
- Where does it come from, and what is it related to?
- Are there patterns of behavior involved?
3. Just 'be with' the feeling
Dr. Goldstein makes a comparison. "If you drive a car, or learn how to walk, talk, or anything like that, the brain memorizes procedures, and with repetition, our brain begins to memorize, and it starts to become easier."
So when you notice the feeling and soften around it, you are making new habits. Then you can shift to asking, "Can I just be with this?"
Over time, it gets easier to be with the feeling and not rush to fill the void. Soon enough, it'll feel natural.
4. Look into the feeling
Andrea notes, "look at a room of 100 people, and remind. yourself that 60 to 80 of them are feeling that unworthiness wound." The next time you start to fele yours, remember that you are far, far from alone. You don't have to feel ashamed of it or deny it. You can look at it, recognize it, and then let it fade.
Dr Goldstein explains, "Almost everyone feels a kind of low-level chronic stress living in the background. We continue to get those messages that we need to do more to alleviate that, or to fix or solve this problem, to be happy, or to do better. But I have found these emotional pivots we do in real time, in the moment, are actually the things that solve the issue."
So, when you start hearing the "low-level hum" of stress, identify it. As they say, "name it to tame it." Then, when it influences you, be with the feeling, and listen to what it is trying to tell you.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
