Young Adults Today Usually Think Their Parents Owe Them 8 Things They Aren't Getting
BearFotos | Shutterstock More adults than ever are creating space with their parents, largely because of different values and priorities.
According to sociologist Dr. Karl Pillemer, going "no contact" can have surprising consequences, but they usually boil down to one thing: misunderstanding. Despite young adults today believing they're owed certain things from their parents, they aren't receiving them due to their parents trying to prove a point or guilt-trip them.
Things young adults today think their parents owe them
1. An acknowledgement of childhood trauma
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Many young people are comfortable talking about trauma openly, compared to older generations, largely because they've started to destigmatize mental health. But their parents, who were raised with the "you're lucky for what you have" and "suck it up" mentality, are far less open about acknowledging their own kids' trauma.
If they don't agree, it can feel like these conversations are accusations of bad parenting. And for Gen Xers who compensated for their own neglect with helicopter parenting styles, it's threatening.
They don't want to admit they've done something wrong, and their kids don't know how to have healthy conversations without making it an accusation.
2. Emotional support
Instead of the invalidating, unsolicited advice many parents offer their kids, Gen Zers expect emotional support. Even though their parents have a strong kind of mental health stigma themselves, their kids want them to unwind it to be emotionally present.
It's not in bad faith, most of the time. Gen Xers were raised without a lot of support from their parents, so it's not surprising they want their kids to feel like they have help when they need it. But when their adult kids are just looking for support, they don't want their emotions fixed.
3. Privacy
Nearly half of adults under 30 live with their parents, usually out of financial necessity. Either they're saving money to move out or simply can't afford to live while juggling rising rent costs.
For many, it's a wonderful set-up. Yes, there are societal stigmas they have to work through and struggles that come up in tight quarters, but many find themselves lucky to have a space with their parents to come home to.
But there are also plenty of young people who are frustrated with a lack of privacy. Gen Z etiquette around social interactions looks wildly different than their Gen X or boomer parents. Unsolicited visits and "Why aren't you answering my texts?" conversations can feel intrusive.
4. Conversations about mental health
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Much like conversations about childhood trauma can cause a rift between adults and their parents, conversations about mental health can be equally uncomfortable. While Gen Zers are comfortable seeking support and going to therapy, older folks still live in a stigmatized reality.
They were taught to hide these struggles and push through them. Gen Zers are creating space for them and bringing them into conversations openly in ways that can feel like an attack on their parents' character.
5. Trust and acceptance
While there are many reasons why tension thrives in the parent-child relationship later in life for Gen Zers, feeling like they have to explain and justify their life choices is a big one. With Gen Xers, who often adopt an overbearing parenting style to compensate for their own latchkey upbringing, it can feel like their responsibility to always guide their kids.
But Gen Zers want people to recognize their independence. They want to be treated and trusted like the adults they are, not condemned or criticized for making life choices their parents don't agree with.
6. Financial assistance
Despite almost half of Gen Zers living paycheck-to-paycheck, the number of young people relying on their parents for financial assistance is slowly going down. They clearly need it, and many parents want to offer it, but in the current state of the world, it's just not sustainable.
Some young people believe they're entitled to support from parents who brought them into the world or who urged them to take on debt to go to college. But so many people are struggling with basic necessities that a lot of parents just can't make it work.
They might be able to open their homes, but regular help with bills isn't possible, unless their parents have a sense of financial stability themselves.
7. Ease and convenience
Young people today are often wired to expect ease and convenience in their lives. From instant gratification on their phones to childhoods filled with constant supervision, it can feel disorienting to head into adulthood without someone solving your problems.
But many of the struggles young people face today aren't familiar to Gen X and boomer parents. Even if they wanted to help, they don't have all the answers.
They could push their kids toward traditional paths to success early in life and be present, but as adults they have to take some of that ownership themselves.
8. Grace around family gatherings and traditions
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Much like they expect their boundaries to always be respected, Gen Zers want their parents to give them grace and space. They don't want to be guilted anymore for saying "no" to family heirlooms or choosing not to go to family gatherings around the holidays.
Gen X and boomer parents were raised with wildly strong family values, and a much different idea of what loyalty meant. They believe that showing up, even when it's difficult, is a virtue, not something to avoid.
But young people's boundaries often mean creating space, and when they're guilted for saying "no," it only causes a rift.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
