9 Things Today's Parents Freak Out About That Are Actually No Big Deal At All
Beyza yurtkuran | Unsplash A while back, a "scientific study" claimed that mommas with huge booties have smarter kids. Then there was the one which concluded — contrary to everything Generation X parents heard — that listening to Mozart does not make kids and babies smarter. As it turns out, every generation of parents has a unique (and often silly) set of concerns
What are we supposed to really believe, now? All the judgment today is enough to turn parents into twitchy hermits, afraid to leave the house for fear of mass critique.
To rebut this, I've taken it upon myself to do a bit of field research (i.e., polled the 5,000+ people in my social media Parent Nation) and created a list of a dozen things you can stop worrying about right now. And get on with the very serious business of being a happy, successful, non-twitchy parent. Here it goes!
9 things today's parents freak out about that are actually no big deal at all:
1. Temper tantrums
Much like slamming doors are a part of the teen years and crying over coffee commercials go along with the natural state of pregnancy, tantrums and toddlers go hand-in-hand. Unfortunately, social media sharing has brought the worst of the worst of those mini-me meltdowns into our personal space, thus creating an intolerant nation of busybodies who've developed the most ridiculous hair trigger ever when it comes to actually witnessing a child lose their cool in public.
Well, I'm here to remind you to embrace your inner Elsa and just "Let it Go!" Like spilled milk and blowout diapers, tantrums happen. They're not the worst thing you'll ever experience (although, in the moment, the embarrassment feels like it), and you're certainly not the only parent to ever have to publicly manage them.
So the next time your kiddo throws their screaming, kicking, snot-faced little self onto the floor of a supermarket, just know that most of the people around you don't know who you are, and none of them matter. Commit these words to memory — for the "outraged" bystanders: "Move on ... nothing to see here."
2. IQ
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No, internet quizzes really are not accurate at telling you the potential career path of a 2-year-old, nor should you care. The truth is, you can wax poetic all you want about how your toddler was reading The Little Red Hen to you at 6 months old, but it's really hard for anyone to see that genius while he is shoving peas up his nose.
Please, understand that being able to sing the ABC song does not mean your child will read, write, or spell better than any other. child. It simply means they've got the same memorization skills as a cockatiel — as they should, at that age! Chances are, your kiddo will read, use an iPad, and tie their shoes (well, perhaps that's a stretch — thank you, Velcro dude!) right alongside mine in their own, age-appropriate time. No need to force it.
3. Your choice of milk products
Why do we even engage in this war? Babies need to eat, and since we have the more evolved coping skills and have agreed to care for them, it's our responsibility to make sure they're properly fed. The options for feeding an infant include: Breast milk, Formula ... oh wait, that's it. Just pick one! Or, use both. Who cares?
Each does its job in a pretty safe and effective way. So, if someone complains to you about your method of getting food into your child — unless you are giving them vodka or pixie sticks — ignore that person and continue feeding your child whatever your healthcare provider says is OK, knowing that said whiner person won't be the one calming your hungry baby or getting arrested if your kid starves while you try to be "perfect".
4. Organic vegetables
If you're one of the rare few who can afford to buy and have mastered the art of getting your kids to eat organic vegetables, then kudos to you! For the rest of us, it's a feat in strategy and negotiation just to get those finicky little ones to lick a celery stick without peanut butter and raisins on it! So, back off.
If you've gotten your kid to down an entire salad or OMG a red beet — personally, I don't care if it came out of a bag, a can, or a box at a drive-thru window — you are a culinary wizard who deserves a medal and a day at the spa. When my kids have a job that pays enough to support their organic habit, they can eat all the pesticide-free veggies they want. Until then, I'm relying on Vita-Mix to get that frozen spinach into their spaghetti sauce, and feeling darn good about it.
5. Sleeping schedules
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As soon as you think you've got it mastered, the flu hits, grandma comes for a visit, family vacation happens, or the building next door goes under construction.
Yes. Schedules are great and all, but flexibility is key. Parents have enough stress to deal with, without getting all twitchy about a regimented 47-step plan that requires flawless execution, three times a day, to make sure your kiddo never misses a wink of beauty sleep.
That's the stuff anxiety attacks are made of. Cut yourself a break and know that once your child reaches the pre-teen stage, you won't be able to wake them up before noon, at which point, they'll totally catch up from any sleep deprivation, and you'll have a whole new set of issues to deal with.
6. TV
So, your favorite celebrities aren't going to let their kiddos watch TV until they're 30 and they'll never touch a tablet — to that I say, good for them. The rest of us, who don't have a seven-figure income and nannies on call, will be happily plopping our one-year-olds in front of the tube to watch magical maps and backpacks, save baby toucans in exchange for peeing in privacy. Not. Feeling. Guilty.
As long as I knew all the words to the Team Umizoomi theme song, I had the power to calm a screaming toddler at 60 M.P.H. on the way to Target to buy a new Frozen costume. So don't judge me! Besides, who among us doesn't remember binge-watching Saturday morning cartoons while our parents "slept in"? C'mon people! This isn't Poltergeist; they won't really get sucked in there. Besides, who hasn't used Schoolhouse Rock to get through, at least, one pop quiz?
7. Ivy League day care — seriously?
You need to put your eggs on a two-year waiting list, so your future preschooler can learn to speak to the cat in French? Trust me. Learning to play the viola at three is totally overrated, is that what a three-year-old really needs to learn? Not to wipe boogers on the carpet at circle time — can't go wrong with that lesson plan.
Do your research. Check sources. Go for a walk in your neighborhood on a beautiful sunny day, listen for the squeals and laughter of children playing outside. Observe them for a few days to make sure the place is legit, then send your kid to that child care. Because you can't put a price on the education children get just by playing, socializing, and just being a kid. But you can buy a load of wine for the price of one of those blazers.
8. Unexcused absences
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There has been a huge debate recently about whether or not families should have the right to take their kiddos out of school for family vacations. The short answer is, yes! Most schools will allow "educational absences" with pre-approval, but even if they don't, who cares?!
As long as your kiddo isn't exceeding the limit of unexcused days, don't sweat it! Yes, you will get "the letter," and yes, it will irritate you. But you and I both know that the time your family got to spend together was far more educational and valuable than anything they would have learned in school that day — yes, even if it was linear equations and cloud formations.
Yes, this changes as they get older. Missing a day of Trig is different from missing a day of first grade. As long as you aren't taking them to raves or pub-crawls, chances are, they're learning something.
9. Reading bedtime stories
You've probably heard about the hoity-toity British professor who tried to guilt parents out of reading bedtime stories because it gave them an advantage over the kiddos who aren't read to. And then, like me, you probably thought: "This is ludicrous!" Just when I discovered something 'parenty' I could do well that didn't involve a Ph.D., this guy tells me I'm damaging somebody else's kids by doing it?" Then, when I calmed down, I remembered all those nights when the only thing I wanted to read to my kids was the label on the wine bottle, and they still turned into solid "B" students who, like me, most of the time.
I guess reading 20 books every day isn't really "all that." If it's part of your bedtime routine (reference stressor number eight), then go for it, but if you just can't muster the energy to make it all the way through Goodnight Moon for the tenth night in a row, don't sweat it. In fact, think of it as leveling the curve.
Yes, it's good to read to kids. It does seem to help them. But you get to decide when and even what you read them. Don't fall for the hype that one type of book or story is better.
So that's my "screw it" list of parent stressors.
For those who didn't have the "me time" scheduled to make it through the whole list, here's the breakdown:
If you love your kids, but don't necessarily like everything about them at all times and can honestly say you're giving them the best of yourself on a pretty consistent basis, you're doing it right.
Chances are, your parents didn't care about 90% of this stuff, and you turned out OK (enough to care to read this article). So, pick your battles, stop stressing, pat yourself on the back, and toast to your successes ... cheers!
Tara Kennedy-Kline, CFC, CLC, is a parenting coach, TV/radio host, and the author of three parenting books, including Stop Raising Einstein.
