Working Dad Of 3 Questions If He's Wrong For Wanting 'Me Time' After Work
He just wants a little time to recharge.
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Being a parent is a selfless job, but that doesn't mean that parents shouldn't be selfish every now and again, especially when it comes to their overall well-being. Practicing self-care ensures that moms and dads can show up as their best selves for their kids. One father of three is struggling to find that balance, however. He took to Reddit, questioning if he was wrong for wanting some alone time after getting home from work before jumping right into dad duties.
Most people would agree that a little time to decompress after work is never a bad thing, but what if you're wife has been home all day with the kids and she also needs that "me time?" That's the dilemma this couple has found themselves in. Mom is of the mindset that she gets a break when Dad gets home, and he isn't quite ready to transition into Dad the minute he walks through the door.
A dad questioned if he was wrong for wanting 'me time' after getting home from work.
Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock
"My wife has been a stay at home mum since we had our [second] child (which I am very thankful for), but as a result I've ended up working six-day weeks so that she is able to stay at home with the kids," he began in his Reddit post. "We worked out that we'd be no better off if she returned to work and we had to pay for childcare, so the benefit of her being with them has out weighed her returning to work yet."
He explained that he works in healthcare, so most of his days are both long and incredibly stressful. When he finally gets back home from a long shift, he said he feels emotionally and physically drained, to the point where he's inching closer and closer to complete burnout. At work, he's able to function enough to get the job done, but when he's at home, his tank is usually running on "E."
The working dad said his commute is not enough time to recharge before he gets home.
He claimed that because he expends all his effort and emotional energy at work, his patience is totally gone by the time he gets home, and he is pretty much a shell of himself. The only "me time" that he has is on his commute to and from work, a run he does once a week, and then some time spent scrolling on his phone or watching TV once his kids are asleep.
"There are days when I get home and am greeted with 'tag they're yours, I need a break,' which I can totally get after spending all day entertaining the kids and breaking fights up between them, but I also feel I've been at work all day and need some time before changing from work mode to dad mode," he continued.
Speech therapist and stress expert Jessi Andricks argued that this dad is perfectly right in wanting a little time to himself right after work, but it's important that he uses that time with purpose. She said, "Needing time to decompress after work is not a bad thing and doesn’t mean you are 'wrong' or that your job is awful. Sometimes, it just means you had a lot going on that day, and you need to bring yourself back into balance, using your environment to do so. Take a moment (5 minutes might be all you need!) to let the pressure go, and find some calm and relaxation."
Perhaps all he really needs to do is tell his wife he needs five minutes to change out of his work clothes and reset. That's not too much to ask, but he has to expect that there will be days when mom can't wait because she is equally spent. It's all about communication.
Working parents are increasingly more likely to feel overwhelmed.
La Famiglia | Shutterstock
In a study from Maven Clinic, 92% of working parents said they experienced burnout from balancing work and parenting responsibilities. For working parents, financial stress was the most significant factor in their burnout. With 42% of parents citing the rising cost of raising a family as a major challenge, inflation and increasing childcare costs only added to the burden.
But more than anything, working parents are simply struggling to find that balance. In the case of his father-of-three, it's clear that both he and his wife are dealing with severe burnout, which isn't uncommon. His commute and weekly run don't sound like enough of a recharge for him, just as his wife is probably not getting enough time to recharge either.
That's why it's important for parents to devote time to practicing self-care, and it starts with having an open and honest conversation about how they each feel. Being able to acknowledge each other's hard work while also pointing out that if you both continue down this path, these feelings will only get worse.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
