Sneaky Kids Who Manipulate Their Parents Usually Say 11 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Misha Voguel | Canva Many sneaky kids take advantage of their parents' kindness and generosity for personal gain, feeling a sense of entitlement over their parents' time and energy. According to psychologist and parent coach Jeffrey Bernstein, parents often fall victim to their kids' manipulative tactics, but by recognizing a few sly phrases that sneaky kids use most often, they can begin to set boundaries and see through these sly tactics.
Sneaky kids who manipulate their parents often say these things casually:
1. 'I didn't ask to be born'
Many parents unknowingly enable their manipulative adult children's behavior to grapple with the guilt they feel from making mistakes, according to Bernstein. Not only do they tend to take the emotional brunt of their kids' moods, but they also overextend themselves to ensure their kids' needs and wants are met, sometimes at the expense of their own.
With phrases like "I didn't ask to be born," sneaky kids can ensure their parents feel a constant sense of guilt. As parents, when this phrase is said, stand your ground, lead with empathy, and go headfirst into honest conversations — that's how true behavioral change starts.
2. 'You owe me'
Many sneaky kids weaponize their parents' mistakes to get what they want. They shift any trauma they're internally grappling with onto their parents. Don't let them walk all over you, especially in terms of misguided attacks on your identity as a parent or old experiences you've already addressed and apologized for.
3. 'I would do this for you if I were a parent'
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Family coach Linda Goldfarb argues that there are two ways for adult children to interact with their parents. The first: empower them, empathize with them, and generally convey a sense of trust. The second: Force them into a state of anxiety where they feel guilty and isolated. Sneaky kids often opt for the latter, urging their parents into an insecure mindset that pushes them to overlook their own boundaries.
4. 'You're invalidating my emotions'
Using "weaponized therapy speak" to convey a sense of superiority over their parents, sneaky kids often dismiss and invalidate their parents' concerns to get what they want. Even if you aren't entirely sure what this therapy language means, parents have the power to set clear boundaries regardless: Listen to your kids' concerns, and practice the confidence you need to advocate for yourself.
5. 'I thought I could count on you, but obviously I can't'
A 2009 study from Psychology and Aging suggests that parents who place unrealistic expectations on their kids, even into adulthood, tend to spark resentment. However, the same is true for adult children and their parents. When kids expect unrealistic support from their parents, it can cultivate a toxic reality for everyone involved.
Parents should feel empowered to set boundaries with their kids. While children may often feel entitled to your time, space, and energy, your peace and mental health are important to prioritize, too.
6. 'If you really loved me, you'd do this for me'
Many sneaky kids will belittle and demean their parents to get what they want, willing to sabotage the health of their relationship to prioritize their own desires. They may use a phrase like this to weaponize their parents' desire to support them, finding ways to overstep their boundaries and ask for more.
7. 'You never think about anyone but yourself'
Many parents feel guilty advocating for themselves and setting boundaries, afraid they'll upset their kids or spark anxiety-ridden conflicts. Sneaky kids know what they're doing when they invalidate their parents' emotions or make them feel guilty for setting boundaries. They're willing to dismiss their parents' feelings for the sake of their own desires, even if it breaks down their parents' confidence.
8. 'It's your responsibility to make sure I'm okay'
Bernstein is quick to empathize with parents who struggle with their relationships with kids who use manipulative, disrespectful tactics. "It's normal to feel guilty," Bernstein explains. "As a parent, you want the best for your child, and it is natural to feel responsible for their well-being. However, it is important to recognize that you cannot control every aspect of their life and that they are responsible for their own choices and behavior."
9. 'Fine, I'll just end up homeless'
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While there's certainly a large social trend revealing that more young people live at home with their parents later in life, parents should feel empowered to set boundaries when they feel their kindness or grace is being taken advantage of. As a parent, you deserve to feel a sense of peace at home, rather than constant emotional turmoil or stress. If that means helping your child move out or figuring out a new living situation, so be it.
10. 'Great parents do this for their kids'
Sneaky kids often name certain circumstances where you made a parenting mistake or constantly compare you to "better, healthier, more intentional" parents, but that doesn't mean you have to agree with them. Listen to their feelings, acknowledge them, and then set your boundaries.
11. 'You were never supportive of me as a kid'
According to a study on parental tensions, the best way for parents to navigate conversations where this kind of parental shaming is present is to take things one issue at a time. Figure out why they feel the way they do and the best way to move forward.
Apologize when it makes sense, take accountability for past mistakes, listen to your kids with empathy, and then move forward. Even if you've done things you're not proud of, you shouldn't feel pressured to continuously apologize for the same mistakes over and over.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
