Single Moms Who Are Happier Than Married Ones Usually Have These 12 Reasons
Gladskikh Tatiana | Shutterstock I was raised by a single mother, and I have dozens of family and friends who are single moms themselves. I have to tell you: For all they accomplish, put up with, and bring to the world, I think single mommies have not been given the props they deserve! After all, many of us wouldn't be here without them.
One fascinating change in culture around single motherhood is the attention being paid to how much work it is to be a married mom. Yes, being single means you're doing a lot on your own, but there are so many ways in which single moms don't need to compromise who they are or what they want. For some, it means one less person to clean up after, too!
Single moms who are happier than married ones usually have these 12 reasons
1. Single mothers don't have to negotiate (unless they want to)
All decisions in the house are unilateral, which means no more "good cop vs. bad cop." What she says goes. And the only backlash she has to deal with is, "It's not fair! Woe is me!" and the faint sound of tiny violins somewhere.
Bonus: Because you're not arguing with a partner about the appropriate response, you can teach your kids how to communicate and express frustration without yelling.
2. Single moms exemplify independence
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When there is no one else there to do the things they're not skilled at, they learn. I know single moms who have changed tires, hooked up a TV and entertainment system, learned to cook, moved heavy furniture, hung shelves, changed the wax ring on a toilet, even chain-sawed unwanted shrubbery, and put together a lawn mower.
Besides these skills being amazingly attractive, women doing it for themselves are teaching their children how to be independent, too. When the children grow up and start seeking relationships, it will be because they want one, not because they need one to survive.
3. Being single means extra Zzzs
Sleeping two to a bed has been found to reduce women's sleep, some say it can be up to 49 minutes per night! This is unacceptable to any mom, but it's utterly obscene when tiny people come bounding into your bedroom at 6 a.m. sharp on the regular.
Single mothers don't have to suffer the frustration of being woken up when their partner comes to bed after them, or by a light being turned on, or by someone else's snoring.
4. Single mothers own their bodies
A Cornell University study found that women generally gain 5 to 8 pounds in the first few years of marriage. And that gets worse if you are unhappily married; the same study found that those miserable women gain 54 pounds within the first 10 years of marriage. Single moms no longer have to choose between nixing the gym in favor of snuggle time or hanging out with their partner. They don't have to forgo the salad for dinner because their spouse is hungry for burgers.
Other body freedoms that come from being single: You get to go to sleep when you want to, instead of being groped up in the dark like some kind of marital Morse code for physical intimacy. You also get to wear what you want without probing questions like, "That's kind of a low cut shirt, don't you think?" In other words, you don't have to explain your body and your choices about it to anyone.
5. Their kids think they're awesome superheroes
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Their kids think they are awesome. Children of single mothers think it's incredible when mom can pull together six dozen cupcakes in one night for the bake sale the next day, that someone forgot to mention. They also love it when mom can go from teaching them how to throw a curveball to dressing up for a night on the town with her friends.
Single-parent homes call for versatile role shifting, and when moms can pull off both, the kids can feel safe and secure on all sides. They know they can not only trust mom to "get it done" but also as a shoulder for support, no matter what the situation.
6. They build a tight-knit family with their kiddos
Some might argue that this isn't good for kids because it makes them grow up too fast, but when the members of a single-parent home have to organize and rely on one another, the closeness that occurs is undeniable. Just as in sports, family teams have to work together. Kids learn the value of teamwork and being dependable.
7. Single moms get to model their values for their kids
Once they live with one parent full-time, that's the lifestyle kids tend to adopt. If the father was a "Negative Nancy," that influence is now kicked to the curb. Single mothers are free to raise their children with the morals, beliefs, character, and life skills they choose — with no concern about someone else's contrasting views undermining them.
8. Single mothers are empowered
They can find their own strength in having to be as much as they can for their children. It is a stretching and growing experience that many parents never get. They can feel an intensified sense of satisfaction when their kids succeed against the odds, because they have been the best parent they can be and more; it's a payoff for all the hard work and sacrifice.
9. Single mothers get to be creative and crafty
A single income can create a bit of a burden, but that doesn't mean a single-parent home can't be happy and fulfilling. It just pushes mom (or dad) to do a little creative management. Instead of going out and buying a sheep costume for the school play, she and the kids get a pillowcase and sew on some cotton balls to make one.
Single mothers are also masterful at "staycations". They make snow cones at home, construct tents for camping in the living room, roast marshmallows over the grill, and tell ghost stories by flashlight. They become brilliant pastry chefs, creating masterpieces with Twinkies and frosting in a can, and a thrift store find easily becomes a specially designed, reworked prom dress.
10. They have no mother-in-law!
Yet, some still have a built-in babysitter — their exes. If that isn't news enough to make you do a happy dance, I don't know what is.
11. Some single moms can focus on one-on-one time
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This one is a little bit selfish, but understandably so. They get ultimate quality time, and unlike their married counterparts, don't have to split their attention or time with anyone unless they want to. Single mothers can put all their focus into their kiddos without dealing with "jealous daddy syndrome". (Yes, it's a real thing.) They get to hog every single "first" and growing process their kids are going through.
12. Single mothers build inspiring lives
They discover and tackle things they didn't know they had the strength to do. This quietly gives the rest of us permission to try things we've secretly always wanted to. We think, "Hey, if Joan can have a job, raise three kids, and go back to school, I can try out for the roller derby team, start a couture cupcake company, run a marathon..." They show us where to find our driving force, that power that pushes us to keep going even when things are difficult.
Maybe one of the most amazing things about being a single parent is this: Your kids will always remember who was there helping them with their homework, cooking, cleaning, getting them to soccer practice, and rushing from work to be at their recital. They will never forget how their moms gave up an overtime shift to sit with them while they were sick, or who helped them with their college and scholarship applications.
There has always been a stigma that comes along with single motherhood, but in my opinion, single mothers are stronger than most people because they have to work their proverbial parenting muscles more. So finally, we can all tuck away our "Oh, that's a shame there's no father around" pities and start shouting, "I don't know how you do it. Because as I see it, single mothers are single-handedly taking over the world!"
Tara Kennedy-Kline, CFC, CLC, is a parenting coach, TV/radio host, and the author of three parenting books, including Stop Raising Einstein.
