6 Simple Signs Of Above-Average Intelligence That Shows Up In A Child's Everyday Behavior
Getty Images | Unsplash One of our top jobs as parents is to help our children build habits that will keep them healthy for life. And since children learn from their parents, we can’t just tell them, we have to show them, too. Luckily, this is much easier than it sounds because healthy habits aren’t about pain and denial. They actually incorporate a lot of fun, sleep, play, and laughter.
The habits below are based on a wider vision of well-being that goes beyond eating and exercise to view health as a function of nervous system flexibility. A flexible nervous system allows you to move easily between activation and relaxation. This not only supports healthy body processes like digestion and immunity but also allows you to maintain healthy social contact and be open to creative solutions when engaged in problem-solving.
So what do signs of above-average emotional intelligence look like in real life? And how can we as parents best model what we hope our children will learn?
Here are 6 simple signs of above-average intelligence that show up in a child's everyday behavior:
1. They can manage their own emotions and self-soothe
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When discussing healthy habits, most parents jump immediately to food and movement, but this puts the cart before the horse. The often overlooked but essential basis to health is the ability to live in and listen to your body.
This is called neuroception, and it’s an especially important skill for adults to model for children because it’s our job to help them regulate as their nervous systems mature. When a child learns to live in their body, they can easily identify if they are hungry or tired, lonely or angry, or something else.
The next step is to help children build skills for self-soothing so that they don’t need to turn to food or other substances to regulate emotions. If self-soothing skills weren’t modeled for you growing up, it’s time to develop them for yourself, and a coach or counselor can be a big help.
2. They prioritize sleep and play
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Another overlooked basis for health is sleep and downtime. It’s hard, if not impossible, to make healthy choices when you’re tired, and that goes for parents and children. When life gets overwhelming, sleep time is often the first thing sacrificed. If that describes you or your family, it’s time for a rethink.
And sleep isn’t the only kind of rest we need. Researchers have identified multiple types of rest, including mental, emotional, and sensory, as well as physical. The good news is that lying around doing nothing but daydreaming is an important contributor to health.
A study from the University of Georgia found that adolescents who got less sleep had reduced connectivity between the brain regions responsible for decision-making and processing information. As researcher Assaf Oshri put it, "Sleep isn't just good for children. It helps keep their mental health intact and helps them regulate their emotions."
In addition to sleep and rest, unstructured time for play and creative pursuits is important. Physical play, crafts, games, hair braiding … it’s all good. The research is full of ways that play and creative pursuits relax the body and allow access to areas of your brain that contribute to work and school success. Even a limited amount of video or electronic gaming has benefits, as does good old boredom.
3. They enjoy physical activity and nature
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The world’s healthiest, longest-living people don’t work out in a gym. Instead, they have an active lifestyle that most often includes time outside, moving any capable part.
Time in nature seems to provide specific additional health benefits beyond movement. Get outside with your children, explore, walk places, play informal games or sports, bicycle, swim, or garden together (even if it’s a few pots on a balcony). If you’re inside, try jumping around, dancing to upbeat music, partnered stretching, or a wiggle contest.
Whatever you do, make it fun and not a chore. The gym or organized sports are great if you and your children enjoy those activities and you’re capable. If not, find other ways to enjoy movement.
4. They spend time with friends and family who bring them joy
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The ability to build and maintain social connections is vital to our health and longevity. In fact, loneliness has a worse effect on health than cigarette smoking. Therefore, spending time together with family and friends is one of the healthiest things you can do. Time with others provides social-emotional learning that is vital for success in school, work, and life. And it is often simultaneously spent in other healthy ways, such as in nature, playing, or moving.
4. They practice gratitude and awe
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It’s human nature to focus on problems. That negativity bias is likely what kept your ancient ancestors alive, but working actively to build in some positive emotion will go far toward supporting health. Researchers describe awe as an emotion that engages five processes that benefit well-being: a diminished focus on the self and a heightened sense of meaning. When children pause to notice something bigger than themselves, whether it's a star-filled sky, an act of kindness, or simply what went right today, they're not just being sweet.
Turning the focus at times toward the good in life provides balance. That is why zooming out from life’s problems to connect with gratitude, awe, nature, and the universe, as well as spiritual or religious beliefs, is a very healthy practice. Note that this isn’t about pushing away negative emotions with fake positivity but about seeing a bigger picture, putting things into perspective, and being in contact with what is greater than ourselves.
6. They acknowledge mistakes and accept 'good enough'
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A final essential healthy practice is to model the idea of “good enough” by teaching children to accept and learn from mistakes and failures. As parents, we can learn from the concept of the “good enough mother” originating with British pediatrician Donald Winnicott. In his research, Dr. Winnicott found that mothers who allowed themselves to make mistakes and model repairing relationships were actually better than “perfect” mothers.
The more we can model acceptance of mistakes and failures, the more we will raise compassionate children who aren’t afraid to try new things or to apologize when they mess up. The bottom line is that more fun and less stress lead to greater health and well-being. So stack and combine these habits as best you can, take time to chill, and be ok with your shortcomings. Health can and should be pleasurable and delicious, not a chore.
Lisa Newman, MAPP, is a positive psychology practitioner, health coach, and certified intuitive eating counselor.
