People Who Grew Up With Hyper-Critical Parents Usually Develop These 3 Rare Strengths As Adults
Luwadlin Bosman | Unsplash Parents want to equip their children with the best tools for a changing world, but when high standards feel more restrictive than motivating, research has shown that it can create stress. Perfectionist parents have high expectations and can be hypercritical. When children feel overwhelmed by these pressures, they may feel anxious and lonely, which can lead them to find their own solutions to the problem.
Perfectionism is learned within the family, explained one study. Children often mirror perfectionist tendencies to the point that high parental pressure can negatively influence a child's development. Yet, it can also help the child build a strong sense of dedication and motivation.
People who grew up with hyper-critical parents face different challenges in life than their peers who were raised without a focus on being perfect at all times. It isn’t total doom and gloom, though. Children of hyper-critical parents develop strengths that people genuinely admire.
People who grew up with hyper-critical parents usually develop these 3 rare strengths as adults:
1. People who grew up with hyper-critical parents often have a strong work ethic
While it isn’t a guaranteed benefit for people (it depends on what area of your life your parents tried the hardest to control), a strong work ethic is a common side effect of having perfectionistic parents. The reason is, if your parents only praised you for your successes, then you’ll be that much more likely to want to only do things that you will be recognized and validated for. People with perfectionistic parents often grow up living by the equation “More work = more love.”
Research has described perfectionism as having high standards, never being satisfied, maintaining strict order, feeling superior, and obsessing over details. The study explained how unhealthy perfectionists often tell stories about turning failures into successes, while healthy perfectionists focus more on their positive relationships as the successful component of overcoming challenges.
2. They're often extremely driven
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If you’ve prided yourself on doubling down on your strengths, then it would naturally follow that you will eventually be financially rewarded for your efforts. All of the most successful entrepreneurs I know are driven by a deep sense of purpose and drive, and it is often their unique neuroses formed in childhood that led them to where they are today.
Instead of being crushed by a childhood full of shame (often coming from hyper-critical parents), a study explained how individuals can use it to build a business or project that transforms the past shame from hyper-critical parenting. Building a project or business often involves building relationships as well.
When people who share a similar type of experience work together, they create a shared story. This group support makes them feel empowered rather than ashamed. Sometimes, you might start a business out of necessity, and then the business becomes something to help others and create a positive social impact.
3. People who grew up with hyper-critical parents are often high-functioning and resourceful
Not just in your financial life, but throughout the majority of your life, you will be a high-functioning individual if you grew up with hyper-critical parents. Researchers have explored how perfectionism in young children comes from a mix of their environment, mostly from parenting, and their natural personality. The study has suggested that intrusive parenting contributes to early perfectionism, but a child’s ability to control their focus can reduce this effect and help them be more adaptive and better able to complete goals.
Leaky faucet? You’ll learn how to fix it, and you’ll fix it within a matter of minutes. Your grandma fell and broke her hip? You’ll oversee her hospital treatment while helping your kids with their homework, and your friends with their lives, and you’ll still perform flawlessly at your job. Never mind the eye twitch; that will go away eventually — kidding!
Growing up with constant criticism isn't easy, and it can leave lasting marks. But for many people, it also becomes the starting point for building deeper resilience and resourcefulness. With a little intention, these hard-earned strengths can become the foundation for a more confident and self-compassionate life.
Jordan Gray is a five-time Amazon best-selling author, public speaker, and relationship coach with more than a decade of practice. His work has been featured in The New York Times, BBC, Forbes, The Huffington Post, Women's Health, and The Good Men Project, among countless others.
