Parenting Expert Reveals 3 Things To Do Every Day To Build Kids With Strong Character
It doesn't require complex parenting strategies.
Variante | Canva Building positive relationships with their children is the goal of every parent. You've worked so hard to raise your children to be "successful" adults, whatever that might mean to you. But, as you focus on that long-term goal, you can sometimes stumble and lose your way.
You can forget that what your children need most from you in order to have a strong character is to have a healthy relationship with you. Building relationships, especially strong relationships, takes work and effort. There are many parenting advice, strategies, and manuals available for parents, but you only need to remember three important tips.
Parenting expert reveals 3 things to do every day to build kids with strong character:
1. They lose their agenda for what they want them to be, do, or become
Your children were born to become themselves, not someone you or anyone else might want them to be. An acorn will become an oak tree, no matter how thoroughly you groom it to become a blue spruce. And a tulip will never become a crocus.
Your agenda for what they need to do or become will only frustrate them — and you! It won't bring you closer to the larger goal — for them to grow up to be "successful" adults. After all, when was the last time you appreciated another adult telling you what you ought to do with your life? Put your agenda aside and get to know and delight in the uniqueness that is your child.
Studies on self-determination theory explain that the benefits of raising children in an autonomy-supportive way, where parents allow children freedom to discover and articulate their own opinions rather than imposing ideas on them, are associated with higher self-regulation and psychological health and well-being. When parents give their kids more autonomy, children display more autonomous behavior themselves, demonstrating their capacity for independent decision-making.
2. They truly pay attention to them
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Really get to know them. Leave the technology and smartphones alone. Look at them. Laugh while you play a board game across the table from them. Enjoy a walk in nature, side by side. Toss a ball. Read a book. Play tag.
Actively listen and try to really get to know them just as they are and for who they are. Kids need attuned, attentive "time in" with you, whether they're 18 months or 18 years. Yes, even through their teen years. (Maybe, especially through their teen years!)
That’s the only way you'll be able to build a real relationship and be the kind of support they need to become themselves fully. Spending time with them is not just something you can do "now and then" either. This is an everyday kind of thing, even if all you can spare is just ten focused, undivided, and undistracted minutes a day. It's worth it in the long run.
A healthy transition to autonomy and adulthood is facilitated by secure attachment and emotional connectedness with parents, and that attachment security in adolescence exerts precisely the same effect on development as it does in early childhood. Research shows that a secure base fosters exploration and the development of social and emotional competence.
3. They set consistent and reasonable limits and follow through on enforcing them
No matter how old you are, you're allowed to think and feel whatever you think and feel. It’s your behaviors — what you say and do because of what you feel and think — that can cause harm.
And it's your behaviors that need to have limits placed on them. Your children learn this from you in order for them to grow up to be capable, connected, and contributing adults. This is foundational for healthy adult relationships. Their rights to express their emotions and ideas end at the metaphorical and physical noses of others.
Authoritative parenting, characterized by warmth, responsiveness, and consistent boundaries, has a profoundly positive impact on children's emotional regulation and behavior, helping them develop higher emotional intelligence, effective coping mechanisms, and stronger self-control. According to one study, the key is holding the boundary while honoring the child's inner experience.
And, they need you to set these limits in a way that models respect. If you're able to set down your agenda, engage with them, and teach them how to live with respect for themselves and all others, you've got the makings of a beautiful relationship.
And the foundation for your children to grow into healthy and "successful" adults. Use these strategies to go about successfully build positive relationships with your children, and the bond you share will only grow over time.
Judith Pinto is a parenting expert, meditation instructor, and productivity coach who helps parents shift from overwhelmed procrastination to meaningfully focused parenting.
