Oldest, Middle & Youngest Siblings Usually Have Very Different Ideas Of How Good Their Parents Were
Mahsun YILDIZ | Shutterstock The birth order theory says that each sibling has a unique set of personality traits.
Between the oldest, middle and youngest siblings, each also has a certain perception of their parents and how well they were treated growing up. Because, let's be real, every parent treats their children slightly differently.
Older siblings see their parents for who they truly are
According to psychotherapist Alfred Adler, who developed the birth order theory in the 1900s, eldest siblings tend to get the short stick. Since they're the first-born child, their parents are typically a bit stricter with them.
Like everything else in life, we learn through trial and error, which unfortunately involves children. First-time parents don't really know the tricks of the trade yet and they are figuring it out as they go.
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The eldest child tends to have a lot of expectations put on them. They usually need to meet those expectations while also being a role model for their younger sibs. They may even feel like they've been forced to grow up too fast to act as a sort of third parent.
Despite first-born children usually having higher intelligence levels, they still tend to think of their parents as more lenient toward the younger kids in the family. The oldest child sees their parents as authority figures who essentially used them as a practice run for how they would raise other children.
Depending on their relationship with their parents, they see them as people who are trying their best and making mistakes as they go, but also as a source of pretty intense pressure.
Middle children tend to think of their parents as a source of alienation
When people talk about middle child syndrome, they're picturing a child sandwiched between two or more siblings. These siblings often feel overlooked or ignored compared to their older or younger siblings who get attention from their parents.
While it's a hypothetical condition, many middle children feel it deeply. Parents may think they treat all their kids the same, but most middle kids usually disagree.
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According to psychological theory, "Middle children... recognize themselves as disadvantaged and defeated by their siblings. Such situations can make them sensitive to criticism and easily outraged. Consequently, they may become more independent, rebellious, judgmental, or overthinkers."
They rebel as a way to create their own personality and stand out from the pack. But they may also be a bit resentful towards not just their siblings, but their parents as well.
Not only are their parents the people they couldn't rely on growing up, but they often believe their parents were too distracted, and that's unfair. So, it's not surprising that they would see them as sort of absent figures.
Youngest children usually see their parents as their friends
The youngest children in a family tend to view their parents as lenient and relaxed. By the time they came around, their parents knew what to expect from their kids, and then adapted easily to a shifting household dynamic.
The youngest sibling is seen as the baby of the family. So, they don't have pressure on them like their oldest sibling and they don't feel ignored like the middle child does.
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As licensed mental health professional Sara Shine explained, "The youngest children tend to have more freedom and are often the most independent... the youngest child often feels special and has a unique place in the family. They tend to be more rebellious and attention-seeking, creative, social, outgoing, and have a sense of openness."
Because their parents are more relaxed, the youngest child may see their parents as their friends, not just the people who raised them.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
