Family

To My Narcissistic Psychopathic Mother, I Am “The Face That Understands Her”

Photo: Kichigin / Shutterstock
sad woman sitting by window in the dark

Trigger warning, content contains a reference to child sexual abuse.

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In August of 2018 devoted dad, Chris Watts murdered his wife, Shanann, eight months pregnant with his son Nico, four-year-old daughter Bella, and three-year-old daughter, Cece. He then dumped his daughters through tiny shafts in massive oil tanks and buried Shanann face down in a shallow grave.

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It’s always been a mystery to me why psychopaths feel the need to mutilate or cover the faces of their victims.

During his initial interview with the lead detective, Watts said of his daughters, “The love that you have for your kids is going to be exponential. No matter what, that will never die. Because those are your kids. That will never die.” He says it twice.

Guilty people who are lying sometimes unconsciously confess. It’s like the truth leaks out through their words. Even though they did something horrible, a small part of them still knows it's wrong.

I published my mother’s letter to me responding to my public accusations of violent sexual abuse and psychopathy. The second line of that letter states, “I believed my words would have no impact in the face of such misunderstanding of who I am.” 

It’s awkward phrasing, which is uncharacteristic of her. I said in the piece that I am a non-person to her, and I believe that’s true. But it was after I hit “publish” that I realized what that second line of the letter really meant.

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How can someone who gave you life not protect you? When their number one job is to make sure they're okay, and instead they're the ones that cause you harm.

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Serial killers cover up the faces of their victims because their victims see them without their masks. Following an attack, my mother could never look at me, and neither could my brother. I saw my mother without her mask. I am the face that understands who she actually is.

My mother isn’t worried that anyone will believe me, but she doesn’t like that I embarrassed her by accusing her.

Perfect mothers don’t have adult children who publicly accuse them of sexual abuse, assault, and mental illness.

I don’t know how much effort she would put into eliminating the face that understands her, but I needed to write this before I go to sleep because honestly, I feel these posts might be my only protection. I don’t want to sound paranoid, but, as I previously stated, I don’t want to underestimate her again.

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Amy Punt is the CEO of Punt On Point Media. She has two Master’s degrees in Communication/Marketing and Directing for Film & TV. She writes at the intersection of trauma/mental health/culture.

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This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.