Mom Cancels Holiday Plans With Her Parents After Hearing What They Called Her Brother’s New Baby
Grandma and Grandpa are no longer invited to Thanksgiving.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Parents should always prioritize their kids’ well-being over anything, even if it comes at the cost of their family. One woman seems to have done just that, but her brother is arguing that she may have "reacted too harshly."
The mom shared her story on Reddit, explaining that when she and her three kids, her wife's biological kids, who she adopted, visited her brother and their new baby girl, her parents dropped a bombshell in front of the children that had her disinviting them from Thanksgiving dinner.
The mom canceled Thanksgiving plans with her parents after they said her brother's new baby was their 'first grandchild.'
The woman first provided some much-needed context for the drama. She's been with her wife, Ava, for eight years and has been married for five. Ava was a single mom of three kids when they met — a son who is now 16 and daughters who are 12 and 10. "I’ve watched these kids grow up, I’ve read the bedtime stories, done bath time, the first days of school, PTA meetings, all of it," she wrote in her post.
"I very much consider them to be my kids, and they’ve been calling me mom for almost 6 years now." She also cleared up that she legally adopted Ava's kids, making them one big, happy family.
Halfpoint | Shutterstock
Recently, the mother’s brother, Ivan, and the woman he is engaged to, Sara, had a baby girl. “I love my niece, and my kids adore their cousin. My kids have been the only grandchildren on my side of the family since Ava and I got together, and there’s never been a moment where the kids and my wife were treated like they didn’t belong,” she wrote. “My brother is their uncle, my mom and dad are their Nana and Pop — the kids see my family as their family and I always thought that my family felt the same way about them.”
While the family was together at Ivan’s, Nana and Pop came in and surprised them, giving gifts to the baby. Ivan apparently laughed when he saw the gifts and said that the grandparents were going to “spoil her rotten.” The grandmother simply replied that since the baby girl was their "first grandchild," of course, they had to.
The mom's parents actually told her kids that they weren't their grandchildren because they weren't blood-related.
The woman’s kids were in the living room when this happened, and immediately, it was apparent they were upset. Sara tried to diffuse the situation, saying, “Oh you mean first grand-baby, not first grandchild.”
The grandparents reiterated that no, they meant what they said; the baby was their first grandchild. The mom swiftly had the kids go to the car and berated her parents for how insensitive they could be. “I asked my parents why the [heck] they’d say that my kids weren’t their grandchildren, and my mom said they couldn’t be their grandchildren because they weren’t really my children.”
Is your mouth hanging open in shock, too? It seems almost too heartless to believe, especially since these kids have been in the family as long as they have and were adopted by their daughter. Originally, the mom and her wife were supposed to host Thanksgiving at their house, but canceled due to what the grandparents said. In an update to the post, they have since decided to host again, but without the grandparents present.
These grandparents were in the wrong, not the mother, and it's time to apologize.
Zulfiska | Shutterstock
Family isn’t defined by blood, and it’s unfortunate to see that the grandparents don’t think their words hurt. In an article for adoption.com, adoptive mom Rachel Galbraith explained, "Many adoptive parents have described instances where their child is treated differently than the biological grandchildren. While it seems like a no-brainer, it never hurts to remind extended family that this child is legally a part of the family — just as if he or she had been born into it. There is no reason to differentiate between those who came biologically and those who were adopted. It’s no matter how a child joins your family: biological, adopted, or step-grandchildren. The important thing is that you are all there now, and that family is a place where everyone feels loved and supported."
These grandparents may not have intended to be harsh with their choice of language, but they should have known better. The 3 adopted kids have been loving them as grandparents for eight years, and suddenly that was ripped away from them. That's a foundation for trauma. As one commenter noted, “I was the child who was told I wasn't really family once someone biological came along. It's been nearly 20 years since that moment and I still remember it as if it was a second ago.”
Sorry, brother, but your sister didn't react "too harshly." Now that you have a child of your own, you should have realized that. Thankfully, his fiancée, Sara, seemed to put him to rights. That wasn't exactly the case for Grandma and Grandpa, who are still insisting that "they can’t change the fact that those aren’t their grandchildren and that the kids shouldn’t be so upset at the truth." Perhaps a lonely Thanksgiving without any grandchildren will give them the wake up call they desperately need.
Victoria Soliz is a writer who covers human interest, lifestyle, and entertainment content. Her work explores pop culture trends, family issues, film and TV, and celebrity news.
