Woman Uninvites ‘Picky Eater’ Mother-In-Law From Thanksgiving After Learning What She Planned To Eat For Dinner
Shouldn't the host decide the menu?
LightField Studios | Shutterstock Nothing kicks off the holidays quite like family drama, and no one does it better than mothers-in-law. Okay, to be fair, not all in-law relationships are strained, and there are plenty of wives who get along famously with their husbands' moms. This woman, however, is not one of them. Posting to Reddit, she explained that in anticipation of hosting Thanksgiving, she has been excitedly testing out food and recipes, but her mother-in-law's picky palate has her behaving badly for lack of a better descriptor.
Basically, she uninvited her husband's mother from the holiday because of her eating preferences, and now there's drama. Thanksgiving is supposed to bring families together to share a meal and express gratitude for each other, but the holidays aren't without stress, and for this woman, it seems she's getting the brunt of it.
A woman asked for advice regarding her mother-in-law’s wish to bring her own meal to the Thanksgiving table.
Posting to Reddit, she wrote that she was excited to share her cooking with her family and that her husband “has been supportive and helpful through all the planning and prepwork.” To prepare, she's been planning a menu and trying out recipes, only to find out that her mother-in-law doesn’t want to eat what she’s making. Not only that, she wants to bring her own meal to dinner. Oh yes, you read that right. The woman's mother-in-law wants to bring her own Thanksgiving dinner with her.
The menu the hostess was planning was extensive, including traditional dishes like roasted turkey, stuffing, and sweet potato casserole, along with unique dishes like braised short ribs and lasagna with white sauce. She claimed that among these options, there must be some food on the menu that her mother-in-law could eat if she simply tried it. While her husband explained that his mother is a “grade A picky eater” who won’t like any of the prepared food, she feels that her mother-in-law is being rude by not sharing the meal everyone else will eat.
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Upon hearing her mother-in-law's plan to bring her own dinner, she told her husband to tell his mother to stay home from the holiday, so that she could eat whatever she wanted on her own. Needless to say, that didn't go over well. She wrote, "My husband is now calling me insensitive and petty."
She, however, believes her mother-in-law's behavior is disrespectful to the time, money, and effort she’s put into the festive feast. She explained, "It will be hugely obvious that she's making a comment on my cooking and it would be humiliating to have her there eating something completely different in front of everyone, it's like she's trying to make a point of showing that my cooking isn't good enough for her."
She wondered if she was wrong for disinviting her mother-in-law from Thanksgiving dinner.
Some users said yes, she was in the wrong, as her mother-in-law clearly has dietary restrictions or even an eating disorder, and shouldn’t be left out for those reasons, calling her "petty," "passive-aggressive," and "insensitive" for telling her MIL not to come over. One user even said she was “weaponizing special needs to humiliate people.”
While the woman appears to have taken her mother-in-law's picky eating as malicious, she may, in fact, have an eating disorder. WebMD notes that picky eaters may actually have avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), which causes them to restrict certain foods based on texture, taste, or traumatic experiences with certain foods in the past. While ARFID is mostly prevalent in children, it's becoming increasingly common in adults.
Instead of ostracizing the mother-in-law, the woman could, as some people on Reddit suggested, "kill her with kindness" by either asking her what she would eat on Thanksgiving and preparing a special meal for her or encouraging her to bring her own meal.
Then again, specific dietary needs were not mentioned in the post, so it's absolutely possible that this mother-in-law feels a little threatened that she isn't hosting a holiday and someone else might do a better job. It might not be right, but it's hard to pass the baton when you've been the glue that held a family together for so long. Even if that's the case, disinviting isn't the solution. Perhaps making her feel like she is actually contributing could help. Telling her that she makes the best mashed potatoes or green bean casserole would make her feel that her role in the family is still important.
Ultimately, the woman had a change of heart. In an edit to her post, the woman explained that she decided "the kill her with kindness route would be the best thing to do," blaming her knee-jerk reaction to uninvite her on being "overwhelmed and exhausted."
"I just want to have a perfect Thanksgiving for everyone," she wrote. "I will let her know she is welcome and will ignore her and focus on my other guests. I won't let her ruin my day and will be the bigger person." It's definitely a good move. It's important to remember that people don't act the way the mother-in-law is acting completely out of the blue. We are only getting a piece of the story here. The best way to truly bring peace is to discuss the issue. Hurt feelings can breed resentment, but a heart-to-heart talk can bring healing and love. Ultimately, that's what the holiday is all about.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
