Men Who Still Throw Literal Tantrums As Adults Usually Had These 11 Sad Experiences Growing Up
dabyki.nadya / Shutterstock No one wants to date a man who throws temper tantrums. When we’re seeking an adult relationship, we want to parent future children, not our spouses. However, some men may struggle with managing their emotions. This can come from sad experiences they endured growing up.
Unfortunately, there are many outdated stereotypes surrounding how boys should behave. While things may be improving, many men were brought up believing that showing emotions meant they were weak. They may never have learned to manage their feelings or what they went through as children. As adults, they may feel overwhelmed by their emotions. This can turn into literal tantrums tied to their childhood pain. While it’s not an excuse for bad behavior, recognizing these signs can make us more understanding partners.
Men who still throw literal tantrums as adults usually had these 11 sad experiences growing up
1. They were punished for showing emotions
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It’s not uncommon for boys to be raised ‘tough.’ This meant that their parents likely punished them for showing emotions. Instead, they’d rather them be stoic, rarely showing their emotions. This can lead to serious emotional neglect. As adults, they may have a lot of unresolved trauma. Instead of handling these feelings, they may choose to push them down and ignore them.
Often, this method doesn’t work. Instead, a man may start to experience very strong emotions he tried to hide since childhood. If that’s the case, literal tantrums may be his way of getting all of that pent-up trauma out of his system. He may not be able to regulate his emotions well.
2. They weren’t taught boundaries
We all need boundaries. They keep us from giving too much of ourselves to others, while also allowing us to receive what we need in return. If a household lacked boundaries, it was likely chaotic for the children who grew up there. They may have seen their parents acting wishy-washy towards one another, or taking on too much until they were drained. This may have left them no time for their children, or the opposite. The child may have taken on too much of the strain themselves.
Without healthy boundaries, a child may not learn to handle their responsibilities positively. If a man grew up in a home like this, he may find himself feeling overwhelmed easily. Instead of enforcing healthy boundaries, he takes on too much or receives too little. This can lead to literal tantrums into adulthood, as they feel overwhelmed.
3. They dealt with chronic stress
There are three different types of stress: toxic, tolerable, and positive. When a child grows up in a home filled with things like parental arguments, unsteady conditions, or feelings of abandonment, they may experience toxic stress. This type of stress can negatively impact their health. It takes a toll on the body, with children being at greater risk of serious health problems. If they did not have parents to calm them down during moments of stress, their brains may have developed differently. Without supportive influences, a child’s well-being suffers.
Growing up in an environment like this can make navigating emotions in adulthood complicated. Some men may have never learned healthy coping mechanisms. Instead, they lash out when they feel overwhelmed, a response to the chronic stress they endured.
4. They lacked healthy role models
Not everyone grows up in a healthy home. Those who had wonderful role models are lucky. They saw behavior modeled correctly. If someone had parents who struggled with emotional control or other mental health issues, they may not have taught them the proper coping skills. If their parents were often responding with strong emotions, it could be all this person knows. As a result, they may continue to throw tantrums into adulthood, as they are not sure how to manage their emotions productively.
If a parent didn’t acknowledge their child’s emotions, they may have taught them, intentionally or not, to bottle them up. Growing up in a home without healthy role models doesn’t mean it was always loud or scary. It could be that their own father ignored their emotions until they became too much, and a man carried that into his own adulthood.
5. They were shamed for vulnerability
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Being vulnerable is not easy. It’s hard to let our guard down and let someone else in. If a child was shamed for opening up, it’s not surprising that he may struggle with regulating his emotions as an adult. If he’s still throwing tantrums as an adult, he may have a hard time getting vulnerable with others. This can impact their relationships.
“The ability to express emotions is another reason vulnerability is essential. Vulnerability may help you express your feelings, whether they’re positive or negative. New research on vulnerability and coping with stress found that vulnerability was associated with higher levels of emotional expression and social support,” says Bethany Juby, PsyD.
6. They were forced to grow up too fast
We’ve all heard about the downside of growing up too quickly. Children need time to be just that. Often, children who deal with this are forced to mature early. Their parents may have intentionally or unintentionally set them up with too much responsibility. Instead of enjoying their childhood, they often felt like they had to be an adult. This can make them struggle with their emotions into adulthood.
If a man still has tantrums, he may be dealing with pent-up feelings from his childhood. Maybe he never got to express his emotions because he had to grow up too fast. Now, he isn’t sure how to keep them from bubbling over.
7. They had attachment issues
The attachments we form to our parents make a difference in our adult lives. It’s how we approach romantic and personal relationships moving forward. If someone had an ambivalent attachment style, they may have constantly sought attention and reassurance from their loved ones. By acting out, they got attention. It wasn’t always positive, but it was attention all the same. Now, as adults, they may throw tantrums because they know it’s going to get them the attention they seek.
“In relationships, ambivalence causes people to feel reluctant about getting close to others and worry that their partner does not reciprocate their feelings. This leads to frequent breakups marked by extreme distress,” says Kendra Cherry, MSEd.
8. They were never told no
We all knew that spoiled kid in school. They got whatever they wanted. Sometimes, their bad behavior was the reason why. No one wanted to listen to them throw a tantrum, so their parents or teachers were quick to give them whatever they wanted. Instead of having patience or working hard for what they wanted, they learned they could act out and get it faster. In adulthood, they may try this same tactic.
If a man throws literal tantrums still, he could have been one of those children who were never told no. He’s used to getting his way, and when he doesn’t, he may lash out. It’s frustrating to be around, but it is a side effect of what happened in their childhood.
9. They never received approval
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I don’t know about you, but growing up, all I wanted was my parents' approval. I wanted to make them proud. Whether that was with the grades I earned in school or the accomplishments I made, it was a motivating force in my life. Thankfully, they showed me how proud they were. However, not every child is as lucky. Some grow up with parents who treat them like their efforts are never enough. This can cause them to struggle with self-esteem and emotional control as adults.
Throwing tantrums may have been how he got his parents' attention. If they weren’t showing him approval, he may have acted out. It could be how they continue to act when they feel they are not good enough.
10. They have unresolved resentment
Our parents all made mistakes. While it can be hard to admit, it is the truth. We have to forgive them and move forward. For some, it’s easier said than done. Instead of working through those feelings, someone may let them continue to grow. As a result, they deal with unresolved resentment in adulthood. This can cause them to act out emotionally.
Holding on to anger is difficult. Even if we think we’ve moved past it, it may still be bothering us in the back of our minds. If a man is still throwing tantrums, it could be due to unresolved resentment he feels from his childhood.
11. They were never taught healthy conflict resolution skills
We learn conflict resolution skills by seeing them mirrored by others. If someone grew up in a home with out-of-control arguing or a complete denial of emotions, they may have never learned these skills. Instead, they discovered that acting out got attention. If someone never taught them how to work through their feelings maturely, tantrums may be their go-to response. While it’s not an excuse for bad behavior, it is a sad situation that shaped their emotional response in adulthood.
Conflict resolution skills are essential. They allow us to move forward from problems in our lives. However, not everyone had positive role models. If that’s the case, they may rely on big emotional outbursts to show their feelings.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
