After A Man's Mother Refused To Let His Fiancée Be In Their Christmas Card Photo, He Wonders If He Was Wrong For Not Sticking Up For Her

Both the man and his fiancée have a solid argument.

man proposing to woman on dock on lake - Yuri A / Shutterstock

Integrating yourself into a family isn’t easy. It’s natural to have feelings of loneliness and awkwardness as you determine your place in this new group.

However, one man’s fiancée felt even more left out than usual thanks to a policy his mother had regarding Christmas card photos.

One man wondered if he did enough to defend his fiancée when she wasn’t allowed in his family’s Christmas card photo.

The anonymous man took to Reddit to ask others if he was in the wrong for not sticking up for his fiancée.


The drama all started over photos taken for the family Christmas card. He explained, “My family takes a Christmas card photo every year, usually around big events like graduations or parties when everyone is together.” Nothing seemed to be amiss over the idea of taking family photos when everyone was in one place. 

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However, his mother set one rule for the pictures. “Years ago, my mom instituted a ‘not until you’re married' policy to [include significant others] in photos, and applied that rule to my brother when he was dating, and engaged to, his now-wife,” he said.


Man Wonders If He Should Have Insisted When Mom Refused To Let His Fiancee Be In Their Christmas Card PhotoPhoto: BananaStock / Canva Pro

His fiancée did not take kindly to this idea. “Last year, when the family took photos shortly after she and I were engaged, she directed many snide comments to me about how excluded she feels,” the man said. “This year, she flatly refused to drive with me to a family graduation, saying how hurt and excluded she felt by this policy ‘since we are getting married this year and the card is coming out the year we are getting married.’”

This man did his best to be a peacemaker in the situation. He further elaborated, “I’ve tried to explain that this isn’t our card, this isn’t our right to tell others who can and can’t be on their card, and we could always have our own card to start our own tradition.”


Despite his attempts to placate his fiancée, she wasn’t having any of it. “She also made a point multiple times to say, ‘Good, less time to spend on photos with them at the wedding,’ implying a tit-for-tat response to this policy.”



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The majority of replies on Reddit showed sympathy for the man and his family. “This is your mom’s (parents’?) Christmas card,” wrote one commenter. “Your mom is the one with the rule requiring marriage before a [significant other] is included.”


“It is a tradition with clear rules applied consistently to everyone,” another person said.

Meanwhile, others showed compassion for the fiancée. “I get the rule when someone is dating, but if you’re engaged it does feel a little harsh,” one user replied. “I want to start by saying that I understand why she is feeling this way. It sucks to feel excluded, especially by the family who you are marrying into when you already feel like an outsider,” said another.

man wonders if he should have insisted when mom refused to let his fiancee be in Christmas card photoPhoto: Milos Dimic / Canva Pro


Some commenters looked beyond the situation at hand to see the bigger picture. One said, “She’s already planning retaliation at your wedding? …These are red flags.” Another person wrote, “So you’re constantly walking on eggshells around this woman and she’s trying to stir up your family life? I think you should take a step back and reevaluate before you marry this woman.”

Ultimately, both the man and his fiancée have a strong argument that they’re in the right. However, the fiancée’s insistence that she get back at his family makes one wonder where her heart really is.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.