Mentally & Emotionally Vicious People Were Often Taught 8 Hurtful Habits As Kids
wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock Most of us don’t come across many people who are truly vicious in a way that makes them want to be cruel. Still, the ones we do meet stand out, because their behavior can scar you for life.
Many of these people who seem bad didn’t choose to be that way. They were scarred by someone too. During what may have been a rough childhood they often developed habits that continue to hurt themselves and others well into adulthood.
People who are mentally and emotionally vicious often picked up these harmful habits when they were children:
1. They need to win every argument
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Wanting to be right is pretty normal, and there will always be people who take this too far without actually getting to the point of being vicious. But people who do fit into this category have a bit of a different perspective.
Vicious people don’t simply want to prove themselves right. They grew up in an environment where every argument was high-stakes and winning felt essential. Now, even if they’re arguing about something totally insignificant, they still bring that intensity. To them, winning an argument isn’t satisfying because it means they’re right. It’s actually a way for them to protect themselves.
2. They never or rarely open up about their feelings
When someone is vicious on an emotional level, they hate vulnerability, both from themselves and from others. They never talk about anything below the surface because, as a kid, they were attacked for trying.
Now they expect others to play by the same rules. When someone else is vulnerable, they see it as a sign of weakness and don't react well. They can’t have healthy relationships if they act that way, but they’re more concerned about what they think will keep them safe.
3. They have to earn love
Kids who grow up believing they have to earn their family’s love don’t move on from that easily. Instead, it’s a pattern they get used to. They never experienced unconditional love when they were growing up, so they just assume that’s what love is.
Instead of accepting another person’s love, they spend all their time and energy trying to be good enough to be worthy of it. Things become even more toxic when they expect others to put on some kind of performance to earn their love, too.
4. They can’t make mistakes
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Every viciously mean adult probably used to be a child who was punished for honest mistakes and told they never measured up. They became terrified of messing up and not meeting someone’s expectations for them.
This could have taken them in two directions. Maybe it turned them into a perfectionist who’s always too hard on themselves. Or, maybe they never hold themselves accountable and admit when they’re in the wrong. One has a deeper personal impact than the other, but both are equally toxic.
5. They have to monitor everyone’s emotions
Kids who developed especially cruel personalities got used to the feeling of walking on eggshells very early in life. That led them to monitor other people’s emotions closely so they could avoid upsetting them, especially at the worst possible moments.
This is a habit they’ll carry into adulthood, but it could become even more toxic. Instead of just trying to be aware of how everyone around them is feeling, they might become truly paranoid and think everyone’s out to get them. Really, you can’t blame them.
6. They use comparison to build their confidence
Our brains are wired to compare ourselves to others. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing when someone uses it as encouragement for self-improvement. It can easily become a barrier to building stronger self-esteem, though, which means there’s a delicate balance.
Vicious people compare themselves to others constantly as a weird form of competition. If they’re doing more than someone else, they think that makes them better and more worthy. This is something that they probably picked up when they were first compared this way as a child.
7. They feel better in chaotic environments
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It’s not true in every case, but a lot of vicious adults are products of an unstable, and possibly traumatic, childhood. They’re struggling with their emotions now because they never felt safe when they were growing up.
People seek out what’s most familiar, even if it's harmful. They don’t try to rise above the chaos they got used to because it’s normal to them. That’s what makes them feel comfortable, even though it doesn’t make sense.
8. They always look out for themselves
A childhood that makes someone vicious is the kind where they’re stuck in survival mode. They have to put their own needs first because anything else feels dangerous.
When someone spends all their time prioritizing themselves and never sparing a thought for anyone else, it could easily make them dismiss other people’s emotions. They learned everyone has to take care of themselves, so their capacity for empathy is very low.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
