Kids Raised By Parents Who Never Asked Them Any Questions Usually Carry 6 Habits Into Adulthood
slavapolo | Shutterstock Kids who grew up in homes where their parents hardly ever asked them questions missed out on important vocabulary and language lessons. They developed habits to compensate, and those habits followed them into adulthood.
Language is an important part of a kid's brain development, and research has shown that it's directly linked to talking to their parents. What's wild is, the more words they use and the more questions parents ask, the greater their kids' vocabulary. Unfortunately, phone use is putting a serious dent in this statistic because instead of talking, everyone is distracted by their screens.
Habits kids whose parents never asked them questions brought with them as they grew up:
1. They doubt themselves
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Children learn by asking questions and talking things through, and parents can learn what children really want from them by asking questions back. It's an important exchange of information.
Clinical psychologist Lisa Damour told CNBC that the most valuable question parents should be asking their children is, "Do you want my help or do you just need to vent?" This question allows a child to express to their parent how they need to be supported and signals that their parent trusts them to figure things out on their own. Without this kind of support, children develop self-doubt in their ability to problem-solve and may struggle to do so later in life.
2. They act impulsively
Children ask their parents questions as a way to understand the world. When parents answer those questions and follow up with another question, children learn even more. They think more clearly about themselves and how they relate to the people and world around them.
Licensed psychologist Dr. Jack Wright explained, "Asking [kids] open-ended questions that help them think about how they want to behave supports reflection and increases self-control over time." Without asking children questions, they don't think about why their parents want them to behave in certain ways, which can keep self-control development stagnant. That can lead to impulsivity, which, left unchecked, becomes an adult habit.
3. They never feel secure in relationships
Just Life | Shutterstock
Children feel safe when parents ask questions about their day or even what they like and don't like. These questions show that their parents care about them and think what they do matters, because it does. So when parents don't ask their kids questions, they struggle to feel secure, like their thoughts matter.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends practicing active listening to promote a safe learning environment for children. Not only does active listening make kids feel safe to learn, but it also makes them feel safe sharing their thoughts and ideas. That sense of security builds their self-esteem and helps prevent problems like that later in life. Without ever getting that security, however, kids will fall back on feeling unsure when interacting with other people, and that only grows in adulthood.
4. They don't know who to trust
Children see adults and parents who ask them questions as trustworthy. When children ask adults and their parents questions, they trust them to be open and honest.
When adults and parents ask children questions, they also hope their children will be open and honest with them. Asking questions promotes building trust both ways. So when asking questions isn't done both ways, trust isn't built reciprocally.
Child development experts Barbara Huberman, RN, MEd, and Sue Alford, MLS, explained, "To be askable [as a parent] means that young people see you as approachable and open to questions." Askable adults are adults that children feel like they can go to and trust. If a child doesn't have someone like that in their life, they won't know who to go to later in life either.
5. They struggle to bond with other people
Parents who never ask their children questions aren't nearly as curious as their children. Children are naturally curious creatures, always wanting to know more about everything, and sometimes parents don't have the answers, and that's OK. But when parents don't ask questions in return, they are damaging their relationships with their children.
Children are asking questions about their parents all the time, learning more about who they are. If parents don't ask questions in return, do they really know their kids?
BOLD, a global platform for scientific knowledge that is changing children's lives, discussed a 2024 study in which over 200 children and their parents took turns asking each other questions. Half were prompted with meaningful questions while the other half were given small-talk prompts. Children who had more meaningful conversations with their parents said they felt more loved by their parents afterward. This shows that tough questions draw parents and children closer.
But what happens when those bonds aren't developed between parent and child? Kids never actually learn how to bond with others, even in friendships. That can get very lonely.
6. They aren't curious
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock
Just as asking questions helps kids learn, hearing parents ask them questions in return helps them learn, too. Parents and other adults know a lot more words than children do, so when a parent or adult asks a question to a child, a word in the question might be new to them.
Kids who don't develop advanced language skills by interacting with their parents tend to be less curious than their peers. Their language skills and brain development become stunted. Since curiosity is the bedrock of intelligence, not caring to learn anything new can have longstanding effects as they grow up.
Lyss Micalizzi is a writer covering human interest and pop culture, with a master’s in Literature and Culture, a bachelor’s in English Literary and Textual Studies, and over six years of writing and social media experience. Their work is driven by the belief that stories are what make us human.
