People Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Insecure Usually Do 7 Things When Someone Starts Liking Them
Maria Evseyeva | Shutterstock People with low self-esteem can come off as a little desperate or even needy when someone starts showing signs they like them. It's really just their mental and emotional insecurity showing, though.
Usually, people don’t realize they’re even acting that way until the person they've started dating sits them down and ends the relationship (or worse, ghosts them completely). Even then, it can seem like a total mystery why the relationship fell apart.
Things insecure people do when someone starts liking them that come across as needy and unappealing:
1. They become overly available
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Insecurity can make some people too accommodating because they fear that any reason to cancel a date will ruin everything. The problem becomes especially bad when they are neglecting their friends and family, or their own wants and needs.
When a couple in the early stages of getting to know each other makes time for each other by mutual agreement, not because either feels fear that the other person will lose interest, they'll have a much better chance at connecting.
2. They dwell on and over-analyze everything their partner does or says
Fear can make insecure people feel uncomfortable, like they're out of control. Sometimes they fight to regain control by analyzing every move their partner makes, believing that if they understand it, they can change it.
Unfortunately, over-analyzing usually causes them to say and do things that seem highly insecure because they’re dwelling on all of it so heavily.
3. They view other people as competition
Do you feel jealous a lot? Angry that your boyfriend spent an hour on the phone with his brother? Or that your girlfriend had lunch with her work friends?
Getting bent out of shape over the fact that the object of your affection is spending time with other people is a sign that you’re getting clingy. It’s a huge mistake to indulge these feelings and then give your partner a hard time sharing their attention with others. It just makes you look (and feel) controlling and unattractive to them.
4. They get clingy
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If your partner is actually asking you to back off, then for heaven’s sake, back off.
For any relationship to thrive, both people need the opportunity to rest and recharge away from each other. You can’t make someone love you more by forcing them to spend every waking moment with you. Let the relationship breathe a little.
5. They shower their partner with a flurry of gifts and praise
Because they feel off-balance, they overcompensate by trying to give their partner everything to show how much they care about them and the relationship (and then hope they reciprocate in kind).
When a partner pulls away, it can feel like the right move is to draw closer, but this is actually a mistake.
6. They feel resentful
The honest truth is they give to get something back, whether it's gifts or simply their attention and affection. This kind of conditional giving is not a good look, but mentally and emotionally insecure people often do it unconsciously.
The test for whether you’re giving authentically (and in the right amount) is asking yourself: Is there balanced give and take in your relationship, or does it feel like you’re doing all of the giving? If it’s the latter, you’re probably giving to get, out of a sense of fear or insecurity about the relationship’s future.
7. They try to rush commitment
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Insecure people are often worried that a loved one is pulling away. That can make them try to pressure a partner into a commitment that neither is ready for. It can actually make them leave the relationship before it even really has a chance to take off.
Have you been doing the things on this list? Or has a past partner driven you away by doing these needy things? We all feel needy and insecure from time to time. The secret is to face those feelings and handle them in a healthy way to avoid sabotaging our relationships.
Elizabeth Stone is an author and relationship coach whose work has been featured on Popsugar, Thought Catalog, The Good Men Project, Ravishly, Zoosk, Tiny Buddha, and more.
