Kids Raised By Parents Who Never Apologized Usually Have 9 Habits As Adults
Taras Grebinets | Shutterstock Parents can struggle to own their mistakes with their children. It takes a lot of guts to apologize for bad behavior, but when kids never hear their parents tell them "I'm sorry," they can develop bad habits that follow them as they grow up.
We may not realize how much we value apologies from our parents. While they often told us to say sorry for our actions, they didn’t always show the same grace. Apologies show respect, which can be hard to get from our parents. If someone’s parents never admit when they are wrong, they might form unhealthy habits in adulthood. Some may try to kick the behavior, while others model it.
These habits are likely a sign that someone grew up in a home without apologies and open conversations:
1. They embrace apologizing to break that behavior
Gorynvd | Shutterstock
Statistically, most people are not like their parents. When someone is actively trying to avoid being like their parents, especially when it comes to apologizing, they are purposely trying to break the cycle.
Some people are natural cycle-breakers. They work through years of generational trauma to make a better life for themselves and their kids. It’s intentional, and it can change how everyone around them feels in the future if their children choose to mirror that behavior.
2. They over-apologize
When parents don’t apologize to their kids, it can make them feel like their emotions don’t matter. They watch as they're disrespected by the people who should love them most. It’s not easy to go through this, and it can leave them wanting to do the exact opposite when they reach adulthood.
Frequent apologies can be a sign of parental trauma. They may start apologizing at a young age to keep their parents from lashing out. As they grow up, they might continue this behavior, constantly saying sorry even if they did nothing wrong.
3. They explain their every thought
The way our parents communicate impacts how we socialize as adults. Growing up in a home without healthy communication can make some people feel like they have to explain their every thought. They may have been punished for little things that weren’t a big deal, and then never heard their parents say they were sorry. It’s not easy to grow out of this. This type of person may stay stuck in a cycle of never feeling like they’re enough because of how dismissed they were in childhood.
We create defense mechanisms to protect ourselves. When we’re made to believe our feelings are wrong, we’re the problem when that’s not the case. It can cause us to second-guess ourselves. Talking through our every thought may make us feel like we can avoid being scolded if we make a good point.
4. They become overly sensitive
Someone highly sensitive might overreact. They were likely used to a house filled with conflict, so they are quick to shut down when things get tough. Not hearing an apology after a big meltdown with their parents can change how they interact with others. It is easy to feel like the victim and have a difficult time talking through their issues.
Their inappropriate reactions during emotional moments can make it hard to be there for them. They aren’t used to being soothed and can push people away when they need them most.
5. They can’t accept genuine apologies
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock
It’s not easy to hear an apology when they were absent from their childhood. This can make accepting them difficult, because they were emotionally invalidated throughout their lives. Now, apologies might feel disingenuous. They feel like someone is telling them what they want to hear, not how they actually feel.
Sometimes, it’s because they are insecure in their own feelings. They never felt like their emotions mattered in childhood, which can cause them to shut down when someone tries to form a genuine connection with them.
6. They never apologize
While some people have a compulsion to over-apologize because of their past pain, others will avoid it entirely. If they didn’t have this behavior modeled for them, it can be hard to learn how to give a genuine apology. This can cause them to lose important bonds with the people in their lives. They’ll hurt someone without acknowledging it, a behavior they inherited from their parents.
The truth is, we don’t always have to forgive someone who hurt us. If they’re not willing to hold themselves accountable, it can be easy to walk away from that relationship. Instead of breaking the cycle, they refuse to apologize to others, perpetuating the hurt they received as children.
7. They avoid some conversations entirely
It’s not easy for any of us to have complicated conversations with the people in our lives, especially when it's about something that hurt us. Instead, many people will choose to avoid them entirely. Avoidance creates more stress, even when trying to run away from the feeling. Tackling things head-on and giving a genuine apology would make this easier.
Instead, someone like this might be passive-aggressive. They don’t want to address their bad behavior, which may be rooted in their childhood trauma. If their parents didn’t talk through these things, where would they have acquired the skills?
8. They never admit when they’re wrong
Some people will never admit when they’re wrong. Dismissive behavior can be their go-to response when they don’t agree. Acknowledging that they hurt someone isn’t easy, but they often don’t bother to try. Instead, they’ll never admit their wrongs and push the people in their lives away.
Often, they weren’t around people who took accountability. They may flip the script entirely, going on the defensive and attacking the person raising their concern. This is yet another vicious cycle that can come from growing up in an emotionally toxic home.
9. They hold a grudge
Premreuthai | Shutterstock
People who are immature and insecure often hold grudges. Those who weren’t apologized to in childhood may have a hard time letting go, even after someone admits they were wrong. They may accept the apology, but still harbor the resentment. This can be caused by years of pain they felt they had to bury deep.
If your parents constantly hurt you without apologizing, it wouldn’t be surprising if you struggled to accept apologies from others. It can be difficult to tell who you can trust and who has your best interests in mind. Holding a grudge causes more stress and anxiety than allowing yourself to move forward after being hurt, but that doesn’t make it the easy step to take.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
