Kids Raised By Self-Absorbed Parents Usually Carry 7 Habits Into Adulthood
Volodymyr TVERDOKHLIB / Shutterstock Parenting requires a level of selflessness that few people are prepared for. When parents only focus on themselves instead of their kids, they don't give them the full level of support they need.
This kind of emotional neglect affects children for the rest of their lives. Kids with self-absorbed parents develop habits they hope will help them cope with the lack of attention they needed, and sometimes, even once they grow up, they never let go of them.
You can tell someone was raised by self-absorbed parents if they still have these habits as an adult
1. They try to make everyone happy
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Self-absorbed parents think the world revolves around them. When they aren’t happy, it’s like no one else should be either. This teaches their kids to prioritize them and cater to their moods.
That’s exactly how people-pleasers are born. Those kids will grow up to become adults who do whatever it takes to make everyone else happy, even if it’s the opposite of what they want. It won’t take long for them to lose themselves completely when they act this way. They’ll be so used to doing what other people want that they won’t be able to identify what they want anymore.
2. They watch other people’s moods closely
Growing up with self-centered parents is one of the fastest ways for kids to learn how to monitor other people’s moods. Their parents’ volatile mood swings made them desperate to keep track of how they were feeling so they didn’t make a bad situation worse.
That’s not the kind of habit they can just turn off once they move out. They keep watching people closely so they know how to act around them and how to fix their problems. These people feel so responsible for everybody’s moods that they stop paying attention to their own.
3. They never show how they’re really feeling
Parents who care more about themselves than their children aren’t really creating a safe space where their kids feel comfortable talking to them about anything, including their emotions. Instead of sharing what they’re feeling, they’ll do their best to hide it. And if their parents didn’t want to hear about it, there’s a good chance they were punished for being vulnerable at some point, too.
Unfortunately, people who get stuck in this pattern are less happy because they never feel like they can be themselves. It’s a high cost to pay just because their parents didn’t want to deal with their emotions.
4. They put up with bad behavior longer than they should
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It seems like common sense to run from toxic situations, but it’s not so obvious for people who grew up in that kind of environment. They’re used to people behaving badly, so they don’t expect anything different.
If someone never had the chance to actually be a kid, they’ll end up feeling like they need to take care of everyone. They can’t do that if they move on from toxic relationships, so they stay as long as they can.
5. They feel selfish when they put themselves first
Parents who are really self-absorbed don’t just teach their kids to never put themselves first. They also model selfish behavior that their kids will be terrified of replicating. They’ll never stop prioritizing other people’s needs before their own so they don’t turn into their parents.
Psychotherapist Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW, explained why this is a bad idea. “Choosing yourself doesn’t mean ignoring other people’s needs or becoming selfish,” she said. “It means recognizing that your needs, feelings, and well-being matter just as much as everyone else’s.”
Putting everyone else first is an easy way to burn out. It’s not selfish to want to avoid that.
6. They rarely ask for help
Kids whose parents were focused on themselves had to learn how to do everything on their own really quickly. They didn’t have the kind of parents who were ready to help out with homework or offer friendship advice. It was up to them to figure those things out.
This will leave them feeling like asking for help is never OK. They’ll push themselves to be unnecessarily independent in hopes that they never seem like a burden, because that’s how their parents treated them when they needed anything.
7. They try to earn people’s approval
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According to psychiatrist Timothy Jeider, everyone develops a sense of self-worth during childhood based on how much approval or criticism their parents give them. Parents who only care about themselves don't spend much time building their kids up.
This may hold them back from developing as much confidence as they could have otherwise. Since they don’t feel good about themselves, they’ll always turn to other people for the approval they need to feel validated. That could lead them to feel like their worth is tied to what they do instead of who they are.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
