Kids Raised By Emotionally Controlling Parents Usually Carry 7 Habits Into Adulthood
MKavalenkau / Shutterstock Controlling parents leave a mark on their children that lasts throughout their entire lives, affecting everything from the quality of their relationships to the level of education they achieve.
Kids start forming habits that stick with them when they’re still very young. If they felt like they had to behave differently or mask their emotions to keep their controlling parents happy (or at least, not angry), they’ll often develop certain ways of doing things they believe will keep them safe that they continue to use as coping mechanisms even after they are fully grown and no longer living under their parents' roof.
People who were raised by emotionally controlling parents often continue to have these habits as adults
1. Avoiding conflict at almost any cost
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Our culture blows basic conflict out of proportion and makes it seem like disagreeing or arguing with people is one of the worst things you could do, so many people try to avoid it. That instinct becomes even stronger when someone grew up in a house where conflict was a regular occurrence.
These people don’t want to relive the worst moments from their childhood, which is totally understandable. But avoiding conflict is basically the same thing as suppressing emotions, so it really hurts them in the long run.
2. Questioning things they know are true
Controlling parents want to have a say in everything their kids do, so they try to convince them that they can’t trust themselves. This leaves them feeling like they’re incapable of making decisions or even thinking their emotions are wrong in some way.
That’s a problem that gets bigger once they reach adulthood and have to be independent. Even when they know that something is true on a logical level, they’ll still second-guess themselves because that insecurity was instilled in them at a very young age.
3. They try not to be a burden
When kids grow up with controlling parents, they learn early on that asking for help or making a mistake is really bad. Their parents treated them like a problem in those situations instead of supporting them and helping them learn from what happened.
The interesting thing is that people who can show themselves self-compassion are better able to handle moments when they worry they might have been a burden to others. This is a skill that people who are used to being manipulated just don’t have because they already think badly of themselves.
4. They don’t know what they want
Anyone who tries to control someone else, especially parents who try to control their children's emotions, is sending a very clear message that what they want is the most important. This teaches kids to ignore how they feel and just go along with their parents’ plan.
This affects their confidence in a big way and will probably turn them into indecisive adults. Because they spent so much time doing what other people wanted, they can’t even figure out what they want themselves now that they have the freedom to choose.
5. They think they have to prove their worth
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A lot of people rely on external factors, like other people’s opinions and status symbols, to feel worthy. They fall into a pattern of chasing approval instead of believing that they have worth just for being who they are.
This happens even more often when someone’s parents are manipulative. They were taught that their worth was something they needed to prove by making their parents happy and that it had nothing to do with how they felt about themselves. It’s hard for them to let go of that.
6. They feel guilty for saying no
Being an extreme people-pleaser isn’t healthy, but it comes naturally to kids with emotionally controlling parents. They felt like they had to do whatever it took to keep the peace, so now they can’t set boundaries and say no because they feel responsible for how people react to that.
Knowing when to say yes and when to say no is a really personal decision that people have to make to protect themselves. It has nothing to do with others, and it’s their fault if they make it about them. That doesn’t seem logical, though, when It’s not how they were raised.
7. They keep their problems private
Everyone starts their life being pretty vulnerable, then adjusts how open they’re willing to be based on the things they go through and the way other people treat them. Controlling parents don’t create a safe space where their kids can talk about their problems without judgment, so they teach them to be closed off, whether they even realize it or not.
Those kids become adults who think keeping everything to themselves is the safest thing they can do and the best way to avoid getting hurt. Naturally, there’s no way for them to develop healthy relationships with that perspective.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
