I Feel Guilty For My Inadequate Parenting
And I don’t really have a solution for it.
Terezika / Shutterstock I think deep down I know I’m doing a good job as a new mom. And especially when I look at the bigger picture of all the things I juggle in life. I'm raising intelligent children, and I've done an amazing job at it. I get to come home to a house full of love and laughter.
Yet I can’t shake this nagging feeling of guilt that I’m not doing enough.
If my daughter had it her way, I would be her playmate at all hours of the day. We would be playing dress-up and racing cars on the same day in her made-up world.
If my partner had it his way, I would be this superstar preschool teacher, and our almost 3-year-old daughter would already be reading and writing. She can barely keep eye contact with a book for longer than 30 seconds.
If society had it their way, I would be this amazing children’s healthy chef and only allow my daughter to watch a minimal amount of cartoons on TV. Unfortunately, that's not how the world works and we just have to do the best we can with what we're given.
My reality:
- I can’t play for more than 10 minutes straight without trying to find a distraction because it’s just not for me
- I’m not motivated to sit and do teaching time with my little girl because let’s face it, does she really need that yet?
- I pull together quick meals for my daughter and do the best I can to convince her to eat vegetables, but sometimes I just give up
- I do let her watch cartoons, definitely a lot more than I should, but I just need a freaking break — every day as it so happens.
So, I’m left with this feeling that I’m not doing enough. That I’m an inadequate parent.
Unfortunately, I don’t really have a solution to this predicament. Most days I just spend time convincing myself it’s okay and everything will be okay. It usually works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Does anyone relate? I sure hope so.
In the spirit of convincing myself everything is okay, here are some things I think I am doing well:
- I try to create as loving of an environment for her as possible
- I give her lots of hugs and praise
- I do my best to help her understand her emotions
- I support her to be independent
- I take care of what she needs as best I can
- I try to create exciting and joyful moments with her (we call them surprises)
- I give her a healthy dose of freedom to explore
When I look back at that list, I suppose I’m not doing so bad at all.
Megan Llorente writes about motherhood, relationships, and entrepreneurship. She also offers coaching support for women going through a multitude of life journeys as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Learn more at yourmoderncoach.com.