Families With These 11 Unspoken But Well Understood Rules Stay Closer Than All Others
Families who respect each other's boundaries tend to stay closer than others.
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock Family means everything. For most people, their family is their lifeline. Everyone is there for each other, and they know they have a safe space to share everything with them. While this isn’t always the case, and there are certainly families who struggle with one another, those that stay closer than all others have unspoken rules that keep them together.
Unspoken rules between family members can be a powerful tool to ensure they stay close, no matter the circumstances. These rules can be complex, like making sure family drama doesn’t spread to other social circles. Or, they can be as simple as remembering that at the end of the day, family comes first. Every family is different, and their views of what is important may differ as a result. However, for those who stand firm in their closeness, they will likely have similar ground rules that keep them together as a unit.
Families with these 11 unspoken but well understood rules stay closer than all others
1. Family comes first
filadendron from Getty Images Signature via Canva
This may sound like a rule that should naturally apply to all families, but complicated family dynamics can cause some people to stay away from their relatives. For the families who remain closer than all others, this is the most important unspoken rule. They know the importance of putting each other above all else.
This means that while they, of course, have close relationships with other people outside of the family, they need to be available to whatever their relatives need. This can be as major as dropping what they are doing to help in a time of need, or as simple as choosing a family dinner over a night out with friends. Always showing up for one another, no matter what, keeps a family close. They know the unspoken rule to always be there for one another. They remain close by putting each other first.
2. Dinners together are essential
AleksandarNakic from Getty Images Signature
Growing up, I would go to my grandmother’s house every Sunday for dinner. It was an easy day for everyone to be around, and a special way to go into Monday with a clear mind. I always treasured these moments. An unspoken rule between close families is the idea of breaking bread with each other whenever possible. Some families, like mine, have a planned day, while others expect you to show up whenever they send an invite. Either way, prioritizing time around the table to talk is essential for these families.
“Research shows that regular meals as a family positively affect self-esteem, academic performance, and the overall well-being of children and adolescents,” says Hannah Leib Schlichter, LCSW. These dinners are important for everyone, especially children, to teach them the importance of staying close as a family.
3. Show up to all family gatherings
xavierarnau from Getty Images via Canva
Showing up to family gatherings is a non-negotiable for families that stay close. They know the importance of spending time with one another. It’s not enough to keep up through texting or calling when members of the family are local. They expect all members to show up to every family gathering. This can be for major holidays, but it can also include important moments in each other’s lives, like a graduation.
Making sure you stay close to one another is one of the most important things to these families. The way you do so is by making time for one another. It doesn’t matter if you have had a busy month, day, or year. They remain close because of the well-understood rule that family comes first, and you never miss a gathering.
4. Always pick up the phone
DragonImages via Canva
When a member of the family calls, you answer. There is no excuse for missing a call that flies with these close lineages. Always assume the call is important. This is an unspoken rule that close families maintain. You always catch up through a phone call, not a slew of text messages. Phone calls allow you to connect. Even if it isn't a serious matter, it's the preferred way for these families to keep in touch.
“Phone calls build connections,” says Crystal Frommert for Edutopia. “When you are having a voice conversation, you can hear the tone of the other person. It is easier to express empathy.” Phone calls also keep one another informed about what’s going on throughout the family.
5. Never hold a grudge
SDI Productions from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Close family units know the importance of forgiving each other. There is nothing more important to them than keeping their bond strong. They do so by making sure everyone stays on good terms. There is no point in holding a grudge. When one person hurts the other, no matter how big or small, you work through it and move forward.
These families value closeness over anything else. This keeps them from holding a grudge against one another. They know how struggles like that can impact their family bond forever. So, it’s an unspoken rule that if something happens, you move forward and let go of all negative feelings when it’s said and done.
6. Stay honest
Halfpoint via Canva
Lying is a no-go in a close family. There is an unspoken rule that you must always tell the truth. Even if it may be hard for the family to come to terms with. What’s important is truly being yourself. These families know that they must accept each other, no questions asked. Staying honest and truly letting your loved ones in makes a difference and brings people closer together.
From a young age, these family members have been taught that honesty is the best policy. They never keep secrets from each other because they know it can be harmful. There is never a doubt that everyone is being real and that they have the family’s best interest in mind.
7. Be there through thick and thin
Aflo Images from アフロ（Aflo) via Canva
Everyone goes through a hard time. It’s unfortunately part of life. For families that stay closer than all others, they know the importance of showing up for one another, even when times are bad. Actually, they especially stress being together when things are hard. They are each other’s number one support system. Being there through the ups and downs matters most.
They celebrate each other’s wins. There will be a family dinner to toast to every job promotion, engagement, or graduation. They will also gather together during the lowest lows. Whether it’s a death in the family or a member going through a life-changing event like a divorce, they always have each other’s backs.
8. Never spread family gossip
Georgijevic from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Let’s face it, no matter how strong a family is, things happen. Sometimes, someone in the family will make a big mistake. It’s more common than we’d like to think. In these situations, close families have one clear rule: do not spread family gossip around. It is harmful and reflects poorly on everyone. In order to stay close, they need to be on the same page.
“Family gossip is the act of discussing a family member's private life or personal matters with others, often without their knowledge or consent. This gossip can range from sharing trivial details about someone's behavior to spreading malicious rumors that can hurt reputations. Unlike casual conversations about life events, gossip has a more negative connotation because it typically involves judgment, speculation, and a lack of direct communication,” says Johan Kurian for Mind Body Bliss. “The ‘innocence’ of family gossip can quickly dissolve when it turns toxic, feeding into harmful dynamics that impact the mental well-being of individuals. When secrets are spread, judgments are cast, and assumptions are made, the emotional toll can be devastating.”
9. Respect boundaries
Weekend Images Inc. from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Respecting boundaries in any relationship is important. The understanding of setting, following, and keeping firm boundaries starts within the family unit. Families who maintain a closer bond than all others know that while they are involved in each other’s lives, they also have to give them space and let them make their own decisions. They also need to understand when someone doesn’t want to talk about or do something. They never become forceful. They do what’s best for everyone.
This can look like a mother who doesn’t show up at her adult daughter’s home unannounced. It could also be a child who stays out of a conversation that is too mature for them at the dinner table. Everyone knows that it’s important to follow the boundaries set by others. Otherwise, their relationship can end up suffering.
10. Communicate clearly
Monkey Business Images via Canva
Going along with not holding a grudge and setting boundaries is clear, constructive communication. They know the importance of making sure they keep their lines of communication open. This can mean keeping in contact, or being able to address hard things, and coming out on the other side closer than ever.
“Facing life's challenges becomes more manageable with a supportive family network. Good communication enables family members to share their concerns and collaborate on finding solutions. This collective approach to problem-solving not only assists in addressing individual issues but also strengthens the family's capacity to face future challenges as a united front," says Online Courses Australia.
11. Keep traditions alive
Helena Lopes from Pexels
Family traditions are so important. Whether they are holiday rituals or events passed down from generation to generation. Things that have been important to the family for decades need to continue. They stay close through these shared rituals. It can be as simple as the same meal made every holiday season, but it still matters to them.
“Traditions aren’t just about you — they’re about your entire family unit, the ancestors that have come before you, and the generations that will follow,” says Taylor Wendt for WebMD. “By taking your place in observing a religious holiday with your family or a family-created tradition like saying what you liked most about your day before you eat your evening meal, you’re connecting yourself to the people you love. By teaching your children these traditions, you’re offering them the same sense of connection.”
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
