Dad Says 50/50 Custody Has Him 'Drowning' But His Wife Won't Get Back Together Because It's Cut Her Workload In Half
He claimed that his life would be much easier if his wife was handling all of the childcare responsibilities again.
Vaillery / Shutterstock A dad admitted that he can't handle joint custody with his ex-wife and is finding it hard to be a single parent.
Posting to the subreddit "r/TrueOffMyChest," he claimed that he wasn't looking for "pity" or "understanding" about his situation but revealed that he's hoping his wife will change her mind about their divorce so that he doesn't have to be responsible for their son without her help.
He said 50/50 custody has him 'drowning,' but his wife won't get back together because it's cut her workload in half.
In his Reddit post, later uploaded to X, he explained that he and his wife have a 14-month-old son, and shortly after he was born, their marriage fell apart. She accused him of not pulling his weight when it came to both childcare and household responsibilities, but he disputed, saying that at the same time, she expected him to know what to do without telling him.
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Unfortunately, this is the reality in many heterosexual marriages and relationships, made even worse when children are involved. According to the Pew Research Center, 78% of mothers say they do more than their spouse or partner when it comes to managing their children’s schedule and activities, 65% of mothers help their children with homework or other school assignments, 58% provide comfort or emotional support to their children, and 57% meet their children’s basic needs, such as feeding, bathing or changing diapers.
Mothers also tend to take on more household chores and responsibilities; 41% of married or cohabiting parents say this is the case in their households, compared with just 8% who say the father does more.
The dad said the disparity between him and his wife caused them to argue all the time, and he told her that her life would be much harder without him.
Needless to say, that was the last straw, and divorce followed shortly after.
Now, the two of them live separately, and since they're in the state of Kentucky, 50/50 custody is the default agreement.
"It is automatic unless one parent proves neglect on the part of the other. We don't have that, so on the advice of both our lawyers, we are splitting time and doing alternating weeks since we separated. We usually switch on Mondays with the daycare pickup and drop off," he explained.
However, now that he's a single parent, he's finding it hard to adjust to caring for his son when he does have him. He admitted that he was "drowning" and didn't really know what he was in for with having split custody of his child.
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"The weeks I have my son, I don't get anything done, and I can barely even function at work because I'm so exhausted. I spend the whole week I don't have him catching up, and I can't even get everything done. My apartment is a mess, and I can hardly keep up with errands and chores."
He thought his wife would be in the same boat as him.
He claimed that instead of his wife relating to his struggles, she told him that her life has become so much easier now that she has time for herself with the 50/50 custody agreement.
She said that she isn't exhausted anymore and that it's gotten better now, only being responsible for one person instead of two, insinuating that taking care of her husband's needs on top of their child did her no favors. He doesn't want to ask for less time with his son because then that will mean he has to pay child support, which he revealed he can't afford.
People in the comments section weren't as sympathetic to his problem. Many pointed out that the only reason he wants his wife back in the first place is that he wants her to do 100% of the childcare and chores while he sits back and gets to do nothing. Unfortunately, that's not a good enough reason to want to get back together.
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Instead of acknowledging his own shortcomings and actively seeking solutions to manage his responsibilities as a single parent, he wants to depend on the hope that reuniting with his wife will shift the burden of childcare and household off of him. That's not a sustainable or fair approach to resolving the challenges he faces as a single parent. Instead of placing the burden of his struggles solely on his ex-wife, he should focus on self-improvement and growth as a father.
This could include seeking out parenting classes, helpful books, and ways to improve his parenting overall and develop a system that helps him manage his responsibilities. The only solution for him doesn't have to be having a woman in his life to relieve him of his parenting and household duties.
At the end of the day, his single parenting journey can be an opportunity for him to find independence outside of his relationship status, but that will only work if he's willing to put in the effort instead of looking for the "easy" way out.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.