Dad Asks If He's A 'Monster' Because His 'Blood Starts To Boil' If He Spends More Than 10 Minutes With His Kids
fizkes | Shutterstock In a post to X, dad Justin Murphy questioned if he was a "monster" after opening up about the last four years of fatherhood and how it's taken a toll on his mental health. Murphy acknowledged that the anger he feels when he spends time with his kids has been causing him an immense amount of "confusion and anguish."
Most parents can admit there are moments when their kids just get on their nerves. Whether it's having to answer their nonstop questions or mediating the bickering between siblings, feeling overwhelmed as a parent is often just part of the job. But for Murphy, the irritation he feels toward his kids seems much more than a passing bad mood. His struggles highlight how important it is for parents not only to openly discuss these feelings but also to ask for help and support when they need it.
A dad asked if he's a 'monster' because his 'blood starts to boil' if he spends more than 10 minutes with his kids.
"The truth is I just don't like being around kids for very long. Historically, this is not uncommon among fathers, but today it feels almost illegal," he began in his post. "The ideal amount of time I would like to spend playing with my kids is probably about 70-140 minutes a week — roughly ten minutes each day, maybe 2x/day, taking breaks from work."
He explained that while his feelings of love towards them are strong, if he has to watch or entertain them for more than 10 minutes, his blood will start to boil. Murphy claimed that he just wants to be working or accomplishing something rather than having to be around his children for an extended period of time. While he tries to be grateful, it's getting harder and harder to do so.
The dad said has no problem being a 'kind and loving father,' he just doesn't enjoy it.
"It's 9 AM this morning, Saturday, January 3. It's a sunny, warm day here in Austin, and my four-year-old son is begging me to play catch in the street," Murphy continued. "I was drinking coffee, still waking up, so I didn’t really feel like it, but at this age his desire to play is insatiable. He begged and begged, so I conceded, and with a smile."
Despite going out to play with his 4-year-old son, it just wasn't something Murphy actually enjoyed. Compared to his other dad friends, who are over-the-moon about spending time with their kids and just being fathers in general, Murphy can't seem to relate to their excitement and happiness.
Murphy pointed out that playing catch with your son is supposed to be a fun moment, yet it just doesn't feel that way for him. Instead, he just wants to be drinking his coffee in peace. But then he starts to feel guilty and ashamed for having these feelings. "I know that when he is a teenager, I'll long to have these days back. I have all of this perspective rationally, and I've been very patient and steadfast trying to digest it, but nothing fixes me emotionally."
Dads can experience severe mental health issues related to fatherhood.
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Depression as it relates to dads isn't discussed in the same way that we talk about depression as it relates to mothers. The rates for prenatal depression vary considerably across other countries but are notably higher in the United States.
Depression in relation to dads usually ends up having a negative impact on how they're able to interact with their kids, similar to the situation Murphy finds himself in whenever he has to interact with his own. Depressed fathers tend to show less paternal warmth and sensitivity, as well as increased hostility and disengagement with their children.
At the same time, paternal depression is also associated with lower marital quality, which could have a negative impact on maternal caregiving, with consequences for the child, too. While it's easy to just label someone as a "bad parent," it's almost always deeper than that.
Talking about feelings and shortcomings has long been shunned when it comes to society's definition of a man, but that "boys don't cry" attitude is exactly why men are struggling. Feeling overwhelmed and even unhappy or unsatisfied with the responsibilities of parenting isn't uncommon, and discussing that fact is integral to healing and finding balance.
Parenting can be quite emotionally draining if you're not taking care of yourself. Dads especially feel this need to quietly suffer rather than opening up and admitting what they're feeling. Chances are, their friends are feeling or have felt similarly in the past. Men need to understand that it's okay to struggle and open up. Support and solutions require an acknowledgment that there is an issue. Here's hoping Murphy's post not only inspires him to share more freely but also other men who feel similarly.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
