Dad Makes His Son Drop & Do Push-Ups As Punishment For Telling His Mom To ‘Chill’
Should exercise be used as a form a discipline?
Sergey Novikov | Shutterstock Disciplining kids is a difficult but necessary part of parenting. It's also the part of raising kids that seems to cause the most heated debates. Things get even more hairy when you add blended family parenting in the mix. One mom, Katie, thinks her husband is doing a great job as a stepdad, specifically when it comes to disciplining and what she described as "masculinity." Instead of the typical time-outs or forced apologies, this stepdad had his stepson do push-ups after he disrespected his mom.
The underlying question in all of this becomes, is this the right approach? Of course, there were plenty of opinions in the comments, from applause and praise to fears that he is teaching the wrong message when it comes to physical fitness.
A dad made his son do push-ups after he disrespected his mom.
Anatoliy Karlyuk / Shutterstock
The post went completely viral, gathering over 2 million likes and more than 30,000 comments. It all started when, according to Katie's post, her son kept hounding her about using her phone. She wrote, "I was trying to send a work email while making breakfast for my family and my son kept asking me to use my phone after I had repeatedly told him 'no, you need to wait.' His dad overheard him tell me to 'chill' and here is how he handled it:"
The dad in question, Dustin, asked his son if he really just told his mom to “chill,” then told the kid to get down and start doing push-ups. He asked the boy to count the push-ups, and he did, showing some frustration but still being obedient. You could see he was struggling in the video, but Dustin kept telling him to push through. Once he was tired enough, the dad allowed him to stop. But when he got up, Dustin said it was time for squats.
After the exercises, the boy's stepdad followed it up with a lesson about disrespecting his mom and a hug.
Over 30 squats in, he said, “Pause. Is this fun?” The kid, tired and upset, replied, “No.” Dustin answered, “Keep going.” The kid stayed strong, and when he finally reached 60, Dustin told him to stop. That’s when the real teaching began. “Do we tell our mom to chill out?” the dad asked. The boy said "no." Dustin added, "Absolutely not." He then asked him if it would be okay for anyone else to speak to his mom that way. Of course, he answered, "No."
Then Dustin opened his arms, and the young boy walked in for a hug. After that moment, he turned to his mom and said he was sorry. Dustin told his son he loves him. The video ended with one last hug between the two, with the lesson clearly landing.
Mom, Katie wrote in the comments, "I will never stop being grateful to be raising kids with a real man who knows how to be a father, especially to his boys. This is masculinity."
The majority of comments were applauding the calm and cool nature of the incident. There was no crying, backtalk, or even trying to get out of the punishment. But others pointed out that Dustin could inadvertently be teaching his kids to only associate physical activity and exercise with negative consequences, which isn't exactly a healthy mindset. One commenter wrote, "that’s for grown men in the army, not for young boys at home. Training should be something rewarded not used as a punishment or the kid gets discouraged from physical activity." Another wrote, "he’s at risk of teaching his kid that exercise is punishment and something you HAVE to do when you’ve done something wrong."
The father certainly had good intentions, but using exercise as a form of discipline isn't the best approach, according to experts.
On its face, Dustin's approach was certainly calm and meaningful. He used exercise as a form of discipline without a doubt, but he also followed up with a lesson. Every time Dustin spoke to his son, he kept his voice calm, and that's undoubtedly a good thing. Clinical psychologist Laura Markham explained that, “Yelling is about releasing anger; it’s not an effective way to change behavior.” She also noted the emotional impact screaming can have: “Yelling breaks your connection with your child and puts your relationship bank account in the red.”
Dmytrenko Vlad | Shutterstock
Most would agree that his demeanor while disciplining the boy was exceptional, but the issue of using exercise was the actual problem. The National Association for Sport and Physical Education has taken a firm stance when it comes to using exercise as a means of punishment, and they believe it can have a negative impact on exercise habits in the long run. In a position statement, they wrote, "While some people believe that physical activity used as punishment and/or a behavior management tool is effective, experts perceive this practice as a 'quick fix' that actually might discourage the behavior it is intended to elicit. Using negative consequences to alter behavior suppresses the undesirable behavior only while the threat of punishment is present; it doesn’t teach self-discipline or address the actual behavior problem." They went on to say that exercise is better used as a reward, which inevitably teaches kids to want to be active instead of associating it with negative consequences.
Of course, every family is different. What works for Dustin and Katie might not work for every family, and that's absolutely okay. The lesson of respect was ultimately learned in this instance, and it was clearly a safe and loving environment.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
