Dad Asks If He Is Wrong For Not Disciplining His Daughter For Yelling At The Girl Who Ruined Her Birthday Party
To be fair, I would also be upset if someone ruined my glitter cake.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock We have to know when to discipline our kids, but we also have to know when to support them. Sometimes that line can be blurry, but only because we want to help our kids become their best selves. One parent is questioning which side of that line he should be on, because he doesn't think his daughter should be punished for yelling at a classmate, especially one who went out of her way to ruin his daughter's special day.
A dad is wondering if he's in the wrong for not wanting to discipline his daughter who yelled at a classmate.
In a Reddit post, a father shared that his daughter recently had a birthday party to celebrate turning 13. She goes to a small school, and only wanted to invite a select number of friends. However, she specifically mentioned not wanting to invite a classmate named Kelly because she acts like the class clown at school and frequently disrupts the class, and the daughter finds her "annoying and attention-seeking."
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Though he is divorced from his ex-wife, the dad said she is still invited to all of their daughter's milestones, rather than having separate events. Right before the party, he found out that his ex-wife invited Kelly to the party because Kelly's mom had found out about it. His daughter was upset that Kelly showed up, and the dad understood but told her to just try to enjoy the party.
Cake time rolled around, and he had gotten his daughter a special glitter cake, where glitter flies off when you blow out the candles. When everyone gathered around the cake to sing, Kelly swiped at the icing and ruined the cake. The daughter was understandably upset and yelled at Kelly, basically saying, "What is wrong with you, this is why I didn't want you here, and that you ruin everything." Kelly was left crying while the daughter stormed off to her room.
The girl's mom and the birthday girl's mom are insisting that she apologize.
He pointed out that it's the ex-wife's fault for inviting Kelly to the party in the first place, and he told Kelly's mom that a 12-year-old should know better than to ruin someone else's birthday cake.
Commenters on the Reddit post were fully supportive of the dad's decision and believed that the blame was mostly on Kelly and her mom. They speculated that Kelly's behavior was likely a result of not being properly disciplined at school or at home. Many said that the situation might have been understandable if it had been a much younger child still learning basic manners, but that Kelly was definitely old enough to know how to act in public.
Others sympathized with the daughter, saying that her actions were totally justified. One commenter wrote, "Your daughter established boundaries with a particular person, and you respected her decision. When that person showed up anyway, they demonstrated why your daughter wanted the boundary."
As kids get older, teaching them to set social boundaries is important.
Teaching kids about boundaries is an important part of parenting. Child Mind Institute writer Rae Jacobson said, "They need to learn to set boundaries for themselves and respect those of others. And that takes empathy — being able to recognize what others want and need, as well as what they themselves want and need."
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Empathy goes both ways, and it might help to have your child use their own feelings to create perspective on how another child might be feeling. Kids also look to parents for examples of how to behave, so practicing what you preach will give them a better understanding of these concepts.
It's understandable that kids may get upset when their boundaries are ignored, but it's important to teach them how to react in these situations. This dad has a great opportunity to validate his daughter's feelings while also explaining how to calmly communicate her frustrations.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
