People Who Felt Safe But Never Special As Kids Usually Have 6 Adult Behaviors
Cast Of Thousands | Shutterstock Most parents are pretty good at raising kids in a home where they feel safe from harm. That sense of security doesn't mean those kids felt special, though. That's an entirely different feeling.
Kids who grew up with a warm bed and a full belly likely had the basics growing up, but their parents did not connect with them on a deeper level. They didn't feel like they were unique and precious. As adults, they likely kept the habits they developed when they didn’t feel supported by their parents.
Behaviors kids who grew up feeling safe but not special carry in adulthood:
1. They are low-maintenance
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Although they felt safe in their childhood homes, they may not have felt emotionally supported by their parents. Instead of coming to them when they needed something, they tried their best to stay low-maintenance.
They might have kept their feelings to themselves to avoid being a problem or always agreeable to please their parents. If their parents couldn’t make them feel special and important, staying low-maintenance was a solution.
As adults, they don’t need constant emotional energy from those around them. Without getting this from their parents, they may not understand that vulnerability can help them mentally and emotionally. Instead of standing out in the crowd, they stay neutral, even when they feel safe.
2. They struggle with self-esteem
Feeling safe growing up is important. However, when a parent doesn’t make kids feel special, it can greatly impact their self-esteem.
These homes were often emotionally neutral. Instead of praising their kids when they succeeded or supporting them when they didn’t, everyone kept to themselves. This can turn into a lack of self-confidence in adulthood.
Intentional or not, these parents might have neglected their children emotionally. This can alter their perception, leaving them questioning their worth into adulthood. They may not feel good about themselves because they were rarely uplifted as children.
3. They keep their painful feelings to themselves
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It’s scary to let our guards down and open up about how we’re feeling, even with those we feel safe with. This can cause people to bottle up their feelings. Instead of confiding in people they can trust, they grew up pretending everything was fine.
Over time, a lack of vulnerability can cause serious issues. It takes a toll on their mental and emotional health, especially in adulthood.
Refusing to be vulnerable with other people can lead to self-destruction. This type of person struggles to form true relationships, which can make them feel alone and unwanted. Vulnerability helps us grow, and without it, people hold themselves back.
4. They close themselves off from others
Growing up, it might have been normal to keep to themselves. They may have spent the majority of their time in their rooms instead of hanging out with their family.
It was because they felt a little awkward and didn't feel comfortable showing their true personality. There wasn’t much conversation, and when there was, it was probably surface-level.
This habit can be hard to kick. They may find themselves keeping to themselves and separating themselves from the people who care. This makes them hard to connect with. When someone spent most of their childhood holed up because their parents never made them feel special, they may struggle to find their voice as adults. Instead, they alienate themselves.
5. They are always trying to impress other people
Never feeling special as a kid can make people focus on being the best they can be in adulthood. Anything they can do to get the praise they lacked as children makes them feel accomplished.
They want to make others proud no matter what it takes. They think that by achieving the goals they set, they’re finally doing the right thing. This creates a vicious cycle that pushes them beyond a sustainable level.
This can lead to extreme burnout. Instead of reaching their goals, they are so exhausted from overachieving that they lose the plot entirely. This leaves them feeling overwhelmed and stressed out, not special. They might never feel satisfied with their achievements.
6. They have imposter syndrome
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These people may achieve every goal, but it doesn’t leave them feeling fulfilled. They might deal with imposter syndrome. They don’t think they’re worthy of what they have.
They believe they aren’t smart enough to be where they are, and they must be an imposter. This can be incredibly damaging for someone’s self-esteem. Even though they are exactly where they are supposed to be, it can feel like a misunderstanding, as if they should never have been there.
Research suggests that nearly 70% of people feel like an imposter in some important moment in their lives. For someone with imposter syndrome, it’s a constant issue. It may be from parents’ inability to make them feel special, leading them to overachieve but never feel good enough for what they have.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
