The Actual Drawbacks (And Serious Benefits) Of Having Siblings As Adults
Nuva Frames | Shutterstock When most people think about siblings, it’s an image of little kids playing together that comes to mind. The relationship that siblings have once they reach adulthood gets much less attention.
Siblings know each other longer and better than anyone else, but that doesn’t mean they all remain close. Both experts and actual siblings tend to agree that there are pros and cons to that bond as adults.
Sibling relationships change over time, and it’s not always for the better.
Major life transitions like moving out and getting married are a big deal. A research review from 2010 found that the way those things impact how siblings feel about and interact with each other is different for each family.
Many siblings don’t really know how to navigate their relationship as adults. Geoffrey Greif, PhD, a social work professor, noted that most siblings have a mix of positive and negative feelings about each other, which makes everything seem more confusing than it has to be.
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Plenty of real people have been through this. In one Reddit thread, several people mentioned that even though they don’t have a problem with their siblings, life gets in the way of them being close and seeing each other often. But not everyone’s opinion was so neutral. A fair share of people admitted they don’t get along with their siblings at all. It’s not surprising, given the way that adult responsibilities complicate life.
There’s a big difference between siblings playing outside and having to take care of their elderly parents. The biggest drawback might be that even if they want to stay close, there’s no guarantee that they will.
Despite the challenges, plenty of adults love having siblings they can count on.
Many people emphasize that, regardless of how close they are with their siblings now, they appreciate knowing there is always someone they can call if they need anything.
According to a Pew Research Center survey, 54% of American adults feel like they have a good relationship with their siblings, while 38% specifically said they turn to each other for emotional support, which underscores just how beneficial that connection can be.
Greif thinks siblings who have a bond that’s like a friendship reap the biggest rewards. They get the well-being boost that comes from solid social bonds, but there’s also something more there.
He said, “They can understand you better, in a deeper way, than other people can.”
Everyone’s relationship with their siblings is different for a thousand different reasons. But for those who can stay close, they have someone to fall back on. Growing up in the same house gives them insight and understanding that other people just don’t have.
The good news is that siblings can always work to become closer if they want to.
Any adult siblings who see more drawbacks in their relationship than benefits don’t have to keep it that way. Improving the connection takes effort on both sides, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen.
Some experts, like psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, PhD, think Bowen’s Family Systems Theory is a great place to start. That means using the basic building blocks of any relationship, like setting boundaries and communicating honestly.
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At the same time, it’s important to remember that being siblings doesn’t make people similar. Cohen said the key is “allowing each sibling to express their unique identity without fear of judgment or comparison.”
Siblings who take these steps won’t fix all their problems, but there’s a good chance they’ll get closer to that supportive friendship that gives them both someone to rely on for life.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
