Over the years, I’ve become convinced that contacting the G-spot during intercourse is essential for optimizing a woman’s sexual pleasure. Women who do not orgasm during intercourse could benefit by exploring different sexual positions until they find one that allows direct stimulation of their sacred spot. After all, men exhibit wide variations of the angle of their erections, and the size and shape of their penises. Women must find what works best for them. For example, a man who has an erect penis that lies flat against his belly might very well contact a woman’s G-spot perfectly in the face-to-face position, whereas this might not be the case in some other position. On the other hand, for some women, contact with their G-spot is more likely from the rear entry position, and in others from the woman on top position. Not only does the physical makeup of the partners and the positioning for sexual intercourse play a role in the stimulation of the G-spot, but the cooperation of the partners plays a part as well. It may just be that the frame of the perfect lover is based on the compatibility of the physiological characteristics, along with the couple’s willingness to improvise and experiment.

Of course, even perfectly compatible positioning of the sex organs won’t work as long as the G-spot remains armored, or desensitized. I would encourage any couple in a sexual relationship to explore G-spot massage for a number of reasons. First and foremost, most women need this kind of sexual healing. Virtually all women, and many men, have some degree of armoring. Second, even if they don’t have any armoring issues, this form of intimate, deep tissue massage offers women the possibility of extraordinary orgasmic pleasure. G-spot massage also serves as a wonderful way for a man to prolong sexual play and lavish unbridled, loving attention on his female partner. It offers a man the chance to be in service to his lover as he assumes the important role of sexual healer.

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Here’s one scenario that works for me: During sexual intercourse, as soon as I get close to the point-of-no-return (ejaculation inevitability), I withdraw my penis from my lover’s vagina preventing the possibility of an unwanted male ejaculation. I position myself between my partner’s open thighs and proceed to stimulate her manually. I alternate with clitoral and G-spot massage asking for feedback from her as to how she is feeling, and what would please her. Though I am still aroused from intercourse, this is my chance to relax into my arousal, to get centered and to let go of any fatigue or unnecessary tension that I may have unconsciously created in my own body during the pelvic thrusting phase of our lovemaking. Remember that accomplished male lovers seldom seek a release just because they are aroused. Arousal does not demand release! I proceed to pleasure her with conscious loving touches. After a few minutes, once the danger of an unwanted ejaculation has passed for me, I ask permission (very important) to re-enter her. With her permission granted, this cycle may be repeated again and again.

As I alternate between intercourse and G-spot massage, the sexual energy has time to heighten to a fever pitch. Of course, my first priority is always to shower my partner with love and affection and to see to it that she is fully satisfied. This strategy works well for both of us. She gets to receive as many sexual thrills as she can let in, and I get to feel successful and deeply fulfilled knowing that I have pleased her. Like a lot of conscious men, my biggest turn-on is my partner’s emerging passion. Ironically, a woman’s greatest opportunity to satisfy a man in sex is in teaching him to successfully fulfill her.