3 Ways To Overcome Dating Anxiety So You Can Finally Fall In Love

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How To Overcome Dating Anxiety & Nervousness So You Can Fall In Love
Love, Self

When you develop feelings for a new guy, it's normal to feel some anxiety about dating them.

Relationships are scary and unpredictable, after all.

You might wonder, "Does he like me as much as I like him? Where is this relationship going? Am I good enough for him?"

All of these thoughts cause you to feel anxious and insecure, which can be a self-fulfilling prophecy that pushes him away.

He might not know what’s going on but he can sense that you’re not having a good time and he might think, ironically, that you’re not into him.

Relationship anxiety is common. Everyone stepping into a new relationship might have some apprehension. 

RELATED: If You’re Single And Fed Up With Modern Dating, You Need To Hear This

Alternatively, you might even ask early in the relationship, "Where is this going?" Or you might pursue him too much by calling or texting him often, sending out a "needy" or "pushy" vibe.

How do you calm that voice in your head so you can enjoy the moment and let the connection unfold?

Here are 3 strategies for how to get over anxiety when it comes to dating and relationships. 

1. Challenge that voice in your head with compassion

Your inner critic might sound mean, but if you listen more deeply to its feelings, it’s usually scared and has the emotional maturity of a small child.

Usually, people either try to stuff down that voice or yell back at it.

This just causes an inner fight. When we fight with ourselves, who wins?

How would you treat a child who came up to you and said, "I’m not good enough?" You wouldn’t yell at her.

You’d pick her up and hold her and say, "Of course you are. What makes you feel that way?"

You’d listen to her story and help her re-interpret it from the eyes of a mature adult who sees her strengths and lovability.

Before a date, you can take some time to write down your insecure thoughts and practice talking back to them from a mature, compassionate, and confident perspective.

When you have a limiting belief, you can ask the mature adult part of you:

  • Is that belief true?
  • How do I feel when I think that thought?
  • What are 3 examples of evidence to the contrary?

When we treat all parts of us with kindness and compassion, yet lovingly challenge limiting beliefs, this builds positive self-esteem.

2. Identify your needs and get them met from relationships with friends and family

We have many ways of avoiding painful feelings. We might eat, watch TV, shop, consume drugs/alcohol, or keep ourselves busy to avoid feeling sadness, fear, anger, jealousy, or shame.

We might fear that if we allow ourselves to feel these emotions, we’ll fall into an abyss and never get out.

But feelings are signposts that point to our needs and values and how to get them met in a healthy way.

Imagine you put your hand on a hot stove and you couldn’t feel anything.

You might say, "Hmmm…something smells like it’s cooking in here!" because pain is telling you a message.

You might be wondering, what’s the difference between having needs and being "needy"?

Being "needy" is if we’re attached to our needs getting met by him, right now! We’ve all felt this.

We’ve been around people who can’t handle their emotions and demand that we do things for them in a certain way. Otherwise, they’ll lose it.

True emotional health is when we can identify what our needs are and are able to find many ways of getting them met, not just one.

That way we can ask people to meet our needs and not be attached to them saying yes right now.

We have trust and creativity for how we can get our needs met in another way.

We all have emotional needs. If we shove down our needs and pretend to be strong instead, we will actually push men away, because men want to be able to do things to make us happy.

So if we don’t need anything, he won’t feel successful in doing things that make us happy.

RELATED: 4 Ways To Take The Stress Out Of A First Date (So You Can Focus On Getting To Know Him)

So next time you have an unpleasant feeling, ask yourself, "What do I desire more of?"

Maybe it’s for more attention from him. When you’re just dating a man, it’s usually too early to ask for that from him.

But, whatever your needs are, you can express them to people with whom you’re already close.

This leads to more secure, emotionally intimate relationships with friends and family, which provides a foundation of security so you can feel more confident when you’re on a date.

This might sound a little counter-intuitive. After all, many people want a strong relationship because there’s room for greater fulfillment in their life.

We’re looking to invite someone in that can take care of us and we want to take care of them, too.

The reason why many women like you might be stressed out in the dating process is because once you’re out there in the field, you get so close to this becoming a dream come true for you that it can become all you focus on.

And ironically, this is why we need to go back to the drawing board a bit and expand our inner circle of friends and family to give and receive more emotional support.

Of course, get out there and keep dating the man of your dreams at the same time. This just makes it a whole lot easier.

3. Communicate your feelings and desires in an inspiring way

When we’re insecure, we tend to stuff down our feelings and desires and go with what other people want.

We don’t want to rock the boat. But overcoming anxiety in this way leads to resentment.

Then, when we do share our feelings, we’re already upset and it puts others on the defensive and leads to conflict.

Secure people express their unique feelings and compelling desires in an inviting way.

They trust that others care and there’s a solution that can work for everyone.

For example, if you are feeling lonely and you want to be closer to a particular girlfriend, you can say something like, "I’ve been feeling a little out-of-the-loop lately and have been thinking how much I really enjoy connecting with you.

I have an idea. Would you be up for talking on the phone once a week?"

And when you’re out on a date with a man and you want him to be more chivalrous, you can say, "You know, I felt so happy when you opened the door for me. I felt so taken care of. That dynamic between a gentleman and a lady is important to me, so I feel especially great when you’re chivalrous."

Now that you know how to overcome anxiety, your nervousness will no longer get in the way of you finding love and keeping it.

Before you go on your next date, remember that a little preparation first–tuning into your emotions, compassionately challenging limiting beliefs, and feeling supported by your expanding inner circle of family and friends can go a long way.

And when you’re out there having fun on your date, try expressing your unique needs, point of view, and compelling desires so he can feel successful in supporting you.

RELATED: If You Don't Do These 6 Things On A First Date, Don't Expect Another

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Valerie Greene is a unique relationship mentor who has been helping women attract, re-ignite, and sustain lasting love since 2005. You can download her free E-Guide, "The Magnetic Dating Formula" to learn the simple proven system to magnetize quality men and attract his devotion to your deepest needs and desires, so he keeps moving the relationship forward.  

This article was originally published at CoachValerieGreene.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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